So many lose ends to tie. Is it stalling? Is it because I care about the ones left behind? Does it matter once you’re gone? Its so hard to do anything. To even leave the house. I think I do care, if I didnt, I’d just keep going. Waiting on a paycheck to buy my materials. Gotta write the letters, leave a clean house, and find the thing I need to do the job. It sucks. I think only here can someone understand what its like to want something so badly, and not want it at all either.
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@not: www. youtube. com/watch?v=UVUwqxuDb9A
Yes @ notsure.. I was there for months i feel ya . but i kept moving doing things after i managed to get outta bed n stayed busy. Then when i talked to ppl here they helped
Sometimes it doesnt feel like a choice. Ive really hurt, and ruined the lives of, the people I love the most. And everything turned out “fine” for me. Lots of different kinds of guilt, and pain, and loss. Death feels like justice, and relief, but also the end of hope. Except the hope is an illusion anyway. I really screwed the pooch. The act of being ok is a slap in the face to the ruin i caused. There are no good options.