Tonight, I am planning to kill myself. I have planned many times to but I have held back because of what seemed like people who cared or the sacredness of what people would think if I failed. Tonight, however, ends all of this. To if you were my friend or you call yourself a friend of mine, I am sorry, but you should have known this was coming. To my family aside from my adoptive mom, I am sorry. To my teachers and other adults, why could not have done something. I know you guys have seen my cuts and scars. Some of you have even heard parts of my story, but no, you did not try anything more than a talk, if that was even it. To the people that might have brought me to this, like the person who raped me and the people who would bully me, I hope you don’t do this to anyone else. Tonight, if I somehow see tomorrow, I shall try agian and agian until I successfully die. Who knows what will be next, another side or my body decomposing into the earth while I am forgotten. Most of you will forget about me in a week or two, some it might take a month. A year with the very few, but with the people who make it to two years, you are remembering nothing at all. Don’t focus on what you believe who I was because I was not who I seemed to be on the outside. That focus will only bring out what you thought was my happiness which was really me already dead inside with a shell on top. I am sorry if you “cared” about me, even though you did not. Goodbye world. Goodbye.
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Avisgone: I had commented on your previous post. Give yourself a chance. Do you have someplace you can go? Or can you call the crisis line? You said you are 15 and you have been through what no child should need to go through with little or no support. Are you around?
not for long.
If you call a crisis line or go somewhere or take some step to help you set up a support foundation, then the pain could become easier and easier to bear.
You are so young, and I am not discounting your pain, but give yourself a chance. None of this is your fault. Not what happened when you were 9, not how you mother is treating you and not any of the other things that have happened to you along the way.
Is there a crisis line you can call? Can you just leave? Don’t let your circumstances define who you are. You are not defined by that.
I can never talk on crisis lines. I can’t leave unless I die.
Give tours elf a little more time. Keep talking here there are msny that have stood in your shoes.
Don’t let go of yourself. Let go everything else, but keep yourself. You are worth it. Find someplace , find some help. Just don’t let yourself go just yet. There is peace, and life do give you a rest after the storm.
Putting your worth on other people is always going to end up badly. If people around you weren’t smart enough to realize that you needed help, and that you were indeed expecting for it, it’s their loss. You’re obviously pretty smart to realize that you are worth more than that, and tbh the situations that you mention are indeed awful and difficult to endure (had both happen to me as well, to some degree), but that doesn’t mean that you can’t overcome them. No idea how old you are or where you are located in the world, but there’s always the chance that time will bring change, and with that change your hurt might go away. I know that might mean nothing from a stranger over the internet, but i had to write it.
Whatever you end up doing, i do hope you find peace and comfort (hopefully in life), but if there’s one thing i need to empathize is that yeah, we’re all going to be forgotten one day, but that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t live the time that we do get to have.
@avisgone: I need to go to sleep. I will be l [king for you tomorrow. Watch for my post. I am hoping you will be around to check in with us. Please give yourself time.
I think many of us know, at least to some degree, the desire and your desire to die. I don’t know your individual circumstance and I won’t claim to either. What I will tell you is that, while I still very much have bad says, I have been seeking help and, while not out of the woods I somehow keep trudging on. There is options out there. Given that your death is eternal it would make sense to at least explore and try. Given your age things can definitely turn around for you but depends on you taking a few steps first in the direction of help. i
I know that teenage years aren’t necessarily easy… there’s lots of stuff going on. As for rape you could have PTSD which can be managed, sometimes with hypnosis.
At least try. You really don’t have anything to lose but lots to gain if you try. Call someone. Talk with someone. Call a crisis hot line. Call 911 if nothing else. Talk with your doctor. Talk. Oftentimes talking, your burden can become lighter.
You had a lot of things to say to a lot of people in that post, so please, tell them.
i hope you made it through the night. Im sure that might make me some kind of hypocrite that i want to die but that i dont want you to die. But you’re so young. There is still a chance that things could turn around for you.
oh shit i wish i saw this earlier… I’m sorry…
i hate to be judgmental, because you have been through hell like many of us, but you are so young… ;-(
Avisgone, please know that people here, including myself, care about you.
It seems like we lost you. I hope you are at peace, wherever you are.