I haven’t seen him in two months. And today, I decided “hey I need to see him” because I need a hug from him. But when I texted him asking if I can stop by to say hi, he didn’t answer. He didn’t answer. Not even a crappy made up excuse or a blunt no. Those would be better than not answering. Because then I would know what he thinks of me. But no. I don’t get a response. i would’ve taken anything but no response. Because it makes me feel like he cares about me so little that he can’t respond to a text. and I know I have no claim in his life. But he’s the only one I trust and love and I’m just so terrified to text him. Because he doesn’t answer me. And I need him to talk me through some stuff. Or at least that he shows me he cares. Because he was the one who made me not kill myself in high school. He was the person who showed me that someone actually cared about my wellbeing and reminded me about it every time I saw him. He prevented me from killing myself. And I already have a date set if my life doesn’t get any better by the end of this year. Though I might push that date up because I cant handle living anymore. My friends rarely respond to my text messages, and the one who lives literally 5 minutes away always makes up excuses to hang out. The only time I feel okay with my life is at work because the people I work with make me happy. They talk to me. But I don’t talk to any of them outside work. I miss high school because I got to talk to people I’m friends with and got to see the one person who can probably prevent me from killing myself. But that person stopped caring. They won’t answer me. I’m thinking maybe July would be nice.
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4 comments
Being ignored by someone you love is horrible. I understand. It feels like such a small amount of effort for them to simply acknowledge you & reply but they can’t even do that. Do they really care that little?
I have been in a similar situation where the one person who knew what I was going through & how bad my thoughts were suddenly stopped caring about me. It’s harsh I know. My advice – let it go before it drives you crazy . He’s not worth your agony & the sooner you realise this the better. Easier said than done I know. I learnt the long and hard way that someone who supposedly loved me 7months ago would now rather me dead than simply reply to me. Don’t let them get the best of you, realise that they are perhaps not such an amazing person as you once thought & move on. 🙂
I don’t know if I can let go of them. I don’t even know for sure if they don’t fully care for me. He’s just the one person I’ve told the most about my depression. He offered to help me find a therapist. I just can’t pay for it and I am not telling my parents so I can use the insurance for it. I’ve known him for three and a half years. Which isn’t even that long, but I don’t know what I would do without him. When I don’t post on here and I need to talk to someone, I write a letter to him. but I don’t know if I can actually tell him what I wrote in that letter so I have a stack of letters to him. Even if he isn’t physically there to talk I write to him and it makes me feel better. So I don’t know if I can take him out of my life. I don’t know if I can. And even if he doesn’t reply to my texts and possibly doesn’t care about me, he helped save me. And I don’t know if I can take someone out of my life who helped save me even if I don’t want to be saved anymore.
Mine blocked me 🙁 maybe yours will reply soon?
You don’t have to remove him from your heart, just in your life. Understand that the man he was at that time is not the man he is now. People change and it is painful but there is nothing that can be done to undo this. I was in the same situation as you are, it wasn’t with someone who saved me but with someone I thought could save me. In the end I wasted three years being miserable because I allowed myself to be surrounded by the things that kept me close to him and I clung to any attention he was willing to throw at me. When I finally realized and accepted that he had changed I removed every trace of him from my life and felt better than I had in years.