Does anyone remember that old song that says “I dont want to start and blasphemous rumors but I think that God has a sick sense of humor and when I die I expect to find him laughing.” Sometimes I think he was on to something.
In the past year life has been such a damn roller coaster. In Jan of last year my father had a stroke (alone in his home) and I had to put him in hospice and he died 2 weeks later. I went to his home and found where he had dragged himself around the house covered in feces and clean it up. Had to make his arrangements to be cremated and still haven’t done anything with his ashes.
A month later my daughter tells me she is going to have a baby (great news) then 2 months later we find out my pregnant daughter has cancer. Kidney cancer. First she wants to wait until the baby is born to have it removed but it starts growing so big and so fast that it will kill her if she waits. At 5 months pregnant she has the kidney removed and they think they got it all but we wont know for sure until after the baby is born. Baby is delivered by c section last month but we are still waiting until she heals before they can to the testing she needs.
When the hell does life get better? I’m still waiting, Ive been waiting most of my life. Seems that years like this last one happen way to often, though I wont bore you all with the many other tales.
Funny I still have hope. Even though you would think year after year of life’s crap would make me realize it doesn’t get better it just lifts you up to slam you down harder later.
7 comments
I’m so sorry to hear all this.
Life feels so awful sometimes, and I also wonder sometimes when (or if) it will ever get better.
I wish I could say something that would help.
You’re in good company here.
We may not understand 100% of what you’re going through, but at least we definitely understand grief and pain.
Thanks Cordless. I have been dealing with depression for many years. And im just going through a hopeless lost feeling right now. It will pass it always has. But then again it always returns as well. But I have to admit it was good to find this site. Makes me feel a little less alone.
Me too.
I know I’m new here, but I already see the site as a welcome haven during those kinds of “storms”.
It’s nice to find people who understand it more than the average person in the outside world.
God for real does have a sick sense of humour. Trust me lol.
I don’t know if there is anything I can say. That wondering when life gets better, if it COULD get better, the fact that the distinction seems out of your own hands, and that hope that just leads to wondering if it’s even worth hanging on to. I hope (haha) whatever I said can maybe help you feel a little less alone.
Yeah you make a good point. Eventualy your hope starts to run so low that you start to think its so much easier to let it go then to hold on to it. But your still here, so is your daughter and your granddaughter. Maby god is really just a sadistic sociopath but for some reason we are all still here. Sorry if i dont make any sense.
Congrats for your granddaughter. Hope your daughter is clean and that all tests come out perfectly, we are all hoping for that. Sorry about your father and that you had to take care of his things after him. Congrats on coming till this point alive, and to bear hope for so long.