My final decision

It’s ironic for me to post here. I do not consider myself a suicidal person. Yet i have made the decision to end my life. So how could a person want to commit sucide and yet not be sucidial? Because deep down i wish i could live my hopes and dreams to get out of bed each morning see the world, delve into the debts of the mystery of the cosmos and kiss the ones i love. A person who is depressed usually loses the desire for all this. But sadly i have not, i want it more than ever. Why sadly? Because the only option for my future is a single room locked away from society if im lucky or a struggle from dead end jobs and perpetual firings. Why? Because my smile was a little off or i didnt have the right speaking cadience or i didnt like football. Yes the source of all my angst and my choice to end my life really is that asinine. If you dont like the same sports team or god forbid you dont like sports or you dont speak in quite the same way you are seen as different from the rest of the pact. Which means when something goes wrong youre the odd man out. Whether its an equipment fire, or a fist fight it doesnt matter if you were even there. If the group can target you they will. Some person whom you didnt even know the name of starts a fight with you. Obviously you did something to instagate it. And there for you must be charged with assult. Ive had this happen to me over and over ane over again throughout my life. 1000s upon 1000s of times. It has left me without my scholorships without my life savings without friends or family and left me with a permanent migraine headache. All because i couldnt convince people i was telling the truth. Ive learned through the years that it is the mere way I think. The words i focus on the way i break thoughts down in my head is the reason why i am and always will be an outcast. And therefore will be in a constant state of fighting for survival. I cannot change the human brain nor can i remember and fake all the little idiocyncraci that other people have. So my choice is clear live in perptual migraine pain or die.