The date is January 19th, 2016. I scroll through my email folders looking for old emails to delete and I come across a strange message saved in the bottom of a website folder.
[the suicide project]
Memories flooded back to me instantly. I log on and see that I’m an enigma. Just one draft from November 26th, 2013.
“Just don’t worry.”11/26/2013
I can’t help it. My brain is defective.
My name is Ashley. At the time of joining this website I was 18 years old and suffering through the worst depression that I had ever endured. The DEPO birth control shot was to blame, of course, but that just made it worse. I still have depression and bad anxiety, but I’m alive. I may relapse once or twice every new months, but I’m alive. I’m still alive, and I’m thankful for every moment.
If anything, I hope that this tiny message gives someone the push they need to carry on. I rolled my eyes when people said “It gets better.” Please listen to them, it does get better. If you live, no matter who you are, I will be happy. Know that when you think no one loves you, people do. Tell someone, tell someone. Because the people we least expect to be suicidal are the ones that die the next day. You are not a mistake, you are not broken, you will survive this and everything will get better each day. You will have your good days and your bad, but you will never know that unless you survive.
With Love,
Ashley