Is it? Could it?

I don’t know exactly what the situation you’re talking about is, but i can sort of make an educated guess. That said, by the looks of it, the only person that’s should be blamed is the one that decided to commit the act, not you nor your mom. Maybe talking about it when it happened might have made things a bit different, but that wouldn’t undo what happened. If anything, i do think most (if not all) mothers love their children, but circumstances and mistakes (everyone’s human after all even parents) tend to mask that.

If anything… you’re not to blame. You do have to forgive yourself tho, because it sounds like you’re beating yourself up over something that you had no responsibility about. I do hope that you can find a way to overcome everything that you wrote about eventually, and i’m sorry you’ve had to go through all of that. I’m sorry if what i wrote didn’t help much either, but at this point i’m pretty sure you’ve sort of heard and read it all.