I barely have any energy to type this right now. Im totally dejected. I turned 26 last week, and think Im ready to go buy a gun. I dont even know where to begin. My acne scars have totally destroyed my cheeks, my relationships, my family, my job, my entire life. Ive always held hope that things like lasers, and peels would make a difference. But after working my ass off, showing the world my deep scars to save thousands for these treatments, a year later the improvement is minor. Im right back where I started and theres no hope of it getting any better. When my acne and scars first got bad, I went to my parents for help. My dad just took the tough love approach and screamed at me every day for a couple of years. As I got worse, so did his drinking and anger. He began drinking and smoking and yelling at me non stop for 2 or 3 years. Finally, I started abusing marijuana and was high out of my mind all the time. Eventually I got arrested, lost my job, and cant find work because of my record and my hideous scarring. My father was diagnosed with cancer in June, and has been deteriorating quickly. He has had 4 surgeries, including a bladder removal. He is losing his mind at only 61. The only girlfriend I ever had lied to me, cheated on me, humiliated me. My last job ended when I was assaulted by the manager. I recorded it on my cell phone and showed upper management, but they all laughed at me and told me I was fired.
I always banked on skin treatments improving my life, but its obvious I will always be treated as a second class citizen. I cant go out to the store for food without being stared at or verbally harassed. The thought of dying is just as bad as living out my life. Ive read this site numerous time over the years but never thought I would be so serious about ending my life. The suicide hotline sucks, they never help. My therapist cant help me either. I feel like i need serious, intensive care or I am finally going to hurt myself. How did this happen to me? I had such a wonderful childhood. I had friends in highschool and got good grades. Its all over. Time for the final solution.
Sorry for sounding like a whiny *****. I just want to die and it sucks.
15 comments
Welcome.. don’t apologize for stating your feelings.. I am glad you can get them I can’t I keep them hidden. I don’t really have much advice, but I am here for you!!
Thank you, I needed to leave them somewhere.
I know what you mean about the Suicide Hotline being disappointing.
The ONE time in my life I called them (a few decades ago), they actually put me ON HOLD.
Yes.
I couldn’t believe it.
I hung up.
Still not sure how I managed to live past that, but I guess I’m glad I did. Some nice things have happened since then, plus some rotten things too, so I guess it all averages out somewhere near “tolerable”.
I’m sorry people stare and make you uncomfortable.
I can certainly understand how that would be miserable.
I remember having a friend in college who had significant acne scars.
His mom was a dermatologist, and he was able to take some prescription med for it, and wow, it absolutely cleared his entire face right up. These days nobody would ever guess he ever had trouble with acne.
I think the med might have been Acutane, but I’m not positive.
Anyway, there ARE things out there that can help.
In the meantime, keep trying, keep looking.
And, on the worst days, please post here.
Even if we can’t help, we can always listen.
Welcome to the group.
Anybody have any idea where I should go for help? I am an emotional train wreck. Like I said in my post, I am way past traditional therapy at this point.
I see they’ve listed some “Resources” in the sidebar to the right…
But I don’t know how helpful they would be, never having tried any of them.
Depends on where you live dear
Here, add three “w”s and a dot to the front of these.
(If we post the whole link, the comment goes into moderation and doesn’t get posted).
helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-help-dealing-with-your-suicidal-thoughts-and-feelings.htm
metanoia.org/suicide/
http://unsuicide.wikispaces.com/Online+Suicide+Help
It might at least give you something to read and think about.
Still, keep posting here. We will listen. 🙂
Here, add three “w”s and a dot to the front of these.
(If we post the whole link, the comment goes into moderation and doesn’t get posted).
helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-help-dealing-with-your-suicidal-thoughts-and-feelings.htm
metanoia.org/suicide/
unsuicide.wikispaces.com/Online+Suicide+Help
It might at least give you something to read and think about.
Still, keep posting here. We will listen. 🙂
Thank you cordless. Accutane doesnt treat acne scaring, only acne. Most scar treatments cost thousands, and take about 6-9 months to show results.
Im currently detoxing from years of marijuana abuse, and I know I things probably arent quite as terrible as I made them sound in the op. I need to clear my head, take a break from the internet.
Ok.
Sorry I was mixed up. 🙂
I just remember his scars used to be awful, and now he’s completely clear and smooth.
So something happened; I guess I just don’t know what he did.
Don’t feel bad about posting.
Sometimes a good spill-your-guts post can really help a lot, just because it gets everything out there instead of pressurized inside where it can explode.
We all do posts like that, (which you surely know since you’re a long-time reader. )
I look forward to reading whatever posts you would like to make, whenever you are ready.
Just read a few of your other posts. You are doing great work here.
Try apple cider vinegar and water it’s been helping me with my scarring. I also use african black soap (all races can use it lol) and cocoa butter. Its helped tremendously. Im so sorry about your dad and your life you’re not whiny you are brave. Your ex is a thot you are better off with out her. (Though it probably doesn’t feel that way now it will) throw a brick through the window at your old job you already have a record. Im sort of joking sort of not. Those guys are assholes
The laser did make my scarring more shallow, I just wish I got more bang for my buck. I just exfoliated and feel like I look like a totally different person. Earlier, my skin tone was uneven, messy, jagged and just plain confusing to look at. Now the tone looks even, healthy, hydrated, and smooth though textured. The scars always look shallow when I am able to keep my skin in balance, but it is a very hard thing to do. If I overuse a product, I get burnt and flaky. If I under use, I look like a scarecrow and break out with cystic acne and whiteheads. If I hit it just right, I look like a normal healthy guy. Its a viscous cycle.
I feel guilty about my father. Like his inability to fix my unfix able problem led him to drinking and smoking his organs away. Even though I mentioned we used to fight a lot, Im trying to make the most of the time we have left.
I honestly don’t know many people who would have been strong enough to deliver pizzas with nasty pizza face for an entire year to save up for laser. Many people would have killed themselves.
My ex is a no good dirty rotten cheater. I know I am better off without her, but she has made it nearly impossible for me to trust people. I cant open up to anybody and end up spilling my guts out on a suicide message board.
My last job was awful. I was just cleaning up the store and asked the new assistant manager for help, and he went berserk for some reason. He got in my face, punched me in the arm shouting “Im gonna ****ing kill you! Im the boss! You dont tell me nuttin!” I was like lmao ok I dont even know you man, we just started working together last week. I quit that night, and filed for unemployment, claiming hostile work environment. The GM tried to get me to come in to work the next two days, but I told him no. Finally on the third day, he called me and told me I was fired, and told all the employees that he fired me. Fortunately, unemployment accepted my claim, and sent me a nice letter that trashed the store, stating I was forced to quit. I showed some people from work, but they were still like, nah you got fired loser lulz!
People always find a thread to pull. If you were the prettiest, smartest, least deffective person in the world, people would use that in order to hurt you.
It probably isn’t even about you acne scars, but more so the fact that they’re disgusted with themselves.
People don’t really talk about it, but when we are judging other people were usually judging them against ourselves. If I were them, if I were in that situation, if I had to deal with it… they all make shallow assumptions based on their fears.
I got called pizza face when I was 11 years old because I hit puberty before anybody else did. And I try to smile at everybody no matter what condition they have, but I know that sometimes people think it’s because of their condition that somebody is making a situation different, when the other people are just looking into a mirror and afraid of their own mortality and imperfections.
Just know, even if you’re perfect, someone will hate you for it. But you probably are perfect, you just don’t feel it. And I get that.
If I were you, I’d take that same money and go out of the country and sit on the beach somewhere and forget about your acne scars while basking in natural vitamin D. You’d be surprised how cheap a round trip ticket to Indonesia is if you buy at 7 weeks in advance. I hear papaya is good for the skin, but I can’t stand the stuff… sea salt water is also good for scarring.
And just for food for thought, sometimes acne medication helps the cause for the acne that’s not reassuring underneath the skin even though you’re fixing the top layer. Making your pores smaller isn’t going to help if you have the same acne underneath. If you have any pigment, it becomes keloid as well…
It’s hard for me to imagine how bad it could possibly be for somebody to actually look at you differently than anybody else, but then again I don’t fit in either 😛
Feeling very good today, hopeful and energetic. Its hard to imagine I was in such a state to post this yesterday. My moods are all over the place, and Im pretty sure its because of the weed. Thank you everybody for helping talk me down, and good luck with your struggles.