I sit here crying as I watch beside me my little girl dying before my eyes.
She is shaking with either fear or anxiety.
She bearly eats anything and is so skinny.
She sleeps all day just waiting to die.
I can feel the life force slipping away from her.
The spark has long gone and now she just goes through the motions.
She feels how I feel. I feel how she feels.
Its hard to tell when it will happen, but I say to her it is ok you can go now,
because I don’t want to see her suffer anymore.
She has had a really good life. She made it to 15 which is good for a dog.
I lost her mother last year. She was 16.
When you don’t have children they are like your children and its very sad to lose them,
actually its quite gut wrenching. But least I know what to expect this time.
And there’s nothing I can do but love her and keep her as comfortable as possible until she is ready to go.
I guess that’s all we can do with ourselves too.
Just thought I’d share this as it felt so similar to how we all feel.
I just added the photos after writing this so you could see what I mean.
It looks like 2 completely different dogs, and the saddest thing of all is when I was going through my photos to try to find an earlier one of her I saw old photos of me. Happy photos of me and I look like a completely different person. I don’t even recognise myself anymore. Wow how depression and sadness and losing that life energy can make you look so old and lifeless. And I think to myself. How the hell did all this happen.
Where did I go? How did I lose me?
Anyway this is the little girl that keeps me here, what I’ll do when she’s gone I don’t know.
All I know is she needs me here now so I can’t be so selfish to leave, even though its extra painful watching something you love so much just disappear before your eyes and that’s not just her I’m talking about.
Its me too.