I was wondering if there was anyone who can relate to this:
You’d think that after so much shit in this world, and the major issues that piss you off, that the little things don’t matter anymore.
But for me its the opposite:
I get pissed off and angrier or sadder if sudden tinier obstacles come along my way.
Which I don’t expect at all. I mean, larger issues bother me to no end, but you’d think that after a while we build a tolerance to these larger problems and we become oblivious to the tinier things But nope, the smaller issues become the most frustrating, at this point.
Tell me if you relate.
13 comments
I totally relate.
It reminds me of “Chinese Water Torture”.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_water_torture
Ordinarily a single drop of water would be so small and insignificant we’d barely notice.
But when it’s so relentless that a lot of those tiny things happen over and over and over again, we notice them more, and each one becomes that much more infuriating.
What might seem like a simple thing to someone else, could be the final thing that drives us to the breaking point. All because of so much other crap that happened before it.
Yah heard of the Chinese water torture.
Yup, but specifically for this month, I’ve been doing so many things school related.
And if one thing goes wrong, I feel the rest is ruined, and I should die already.
It must also be a factor in my need for perfectionism.
I am hooked on perfection, and if the tiniest things screw up, or don’t go as planned, I want to kill myself.
Its terrifying.
Its affects everything.
School is horrible.
Thanks for replying Cordless.
I understand perfectionism.
I’m that way when I’m playing music.
For example, a few months ago, I was trying to practice one of the Mozart Horn Concertos, and all I kept hearing were my mistakes. Every time I played something less than perfect, I got more and more frustrated, until I just couldn’t keep going.
My symphony director walked into the rehearsal hall and complimented me on the beautiful music he’d heard as he was walking through the hallway.
I was confused at first; I wondered “How could you possibly LIKE that?”
Later I realized that he was choosing to hear all the “good” notes, and I was choosing to beat myself up over all the “bad” ones.
He was praising me for all the hard work, while all I could hear was the sound of Mozart rolling over in his grave.
I try to be a little kinder to myself these days, but I am still a perfectionist who hates making mistakes.
I remember talking to an old friend, and I was mentioning how I just was going to kill myself already, I was tired.
His (cruel) reaction was: “Why don’t you just get a hobby?!”
And, I replied, “…it scares me….Everything scares me.”
“EVERYTHING SCARES YOU?? WHAT THE HELL? YOU’RE SCARED OVER NOTHING.”
Nothing leads me to the point of suicide.
I am fearful of everything. From past hobbies, to new moments of inspiration.
I am hooked on perfection that learning a new hobby only creates more anger and issues for myself. Everything I do has to be perfect otherwise I will cut myself or cry, or do something violent….
I wish others understood.
I wish he understood…
Hobbies can be a great distraction from the daily junk of life, but I completely agree that a hobby can’t solve everything. And they do require a certain degree of dedication, which is why they’re such great distractions. 😉
Sorry that your friend wasn’t very sympathetic about the whole thing. 🙁
Sometimes friends have absolutely no clue what to say when we bring up topics like this, and they stumble around so badly that they make things worse.
Your last sentence said “I wish HE understood.”
Did you mean the friend you mentioned, or someone else?
(I apologize if I’ve missed previous posts that explained that).
same guy.
I love that last thing you wrote, ‘what might seem like a little thing to others…”
Yup.
I wanted to kill myself because I didn’t buy a cookie when I could’ve.
…
I wrote more but decided to erase it.
I don’t want people to assume its out of selfishness or ungratefulness, but sincerely, its thinking that I spent so many years thinking about suicide, that the tiniest things are another reason not to live.
Makes perfect sense. I mean, if you’re holding a huge boulder from crushing you but you have a grasp on it and suddenly someone starts to pinching you… the pinching becomes a lot more bothersome, because you’re worn down by holding the boulder and you didn’t see the pinching coming. So yup, happens to me too. Huge things turn into this *sigh* moments and then something stupid like running out of bread happens and i explode.
I love the analogy about the boulder and the pinch! 😮
That explains it really well.
Ha ha ha 🙂 That included of a very wise way of seeing things, as well as a little comedy.
I agree, thank you for helping me explain it better.
yeah, I feel like that a lot too. multiple small problems are worse and harder to deal with than one big problem.
I think sometimes it’s a coping mechanism for a he larger problems, like you’re projecting your stress from those issues to the smaller things.
I think it’s also the frustration of small things not going right. ‘The straw that broke the camels back’
I so much relate to this… yep, totally