For a long time, I’ve thought to myself, “You’re just being lazy”.

That’s what I thought.  I’m too tired, too exhausted. I’m just bored with the day. Or maybe I’m sleepy and I am just such a lazy kid that I don’t get things done.

I’ve always known, deep down inside of me, that that’s not the true reason. But I still always doubted that maybe, just maybe, it IS.

But I realize at this moment, and I’m confirming at this moment, that all my beliefs about this being something else was true. And I’m confining that it IS true.

I am not lazy; I am not tired; I am not exhausted; I am not sleepy.

Its not the real reason why I don’t get things done.

I’m sad. I’m so sad that I want to sleep. I want to close my eyes and I feel heavy and loaded.

I feel tired. I feel tired because of my sadness. And then I feel hopeless. Like, no, I CAN’T accomplish my work. It can NEVER be accomplished, I should merely give up now. And so, I retreat so sleep, and never get my work done.

I’ve always thought it was laziness, every. single. time. But can it really be laziness if I am crying every time?

Do you cry when you’re lazy? No. You don’t. I cry because I am too sad. Too tired to work, mentally. Physically as well. I just know KNOW its not laziness. Its something more.

I just needed to finally confirm that for myself. To let myself be peaceful with the fact that I wasn’t wrong this entire time.