Physically trapped, I mean. In many ways I still feel trapped, but I digress.
I took time out of work for my urethritis pain. I couldn’t take it anymore, and I told my higher up everything, from chlamydia back in the start of 2014, to now just having this pain. She was very understanding, and suggested I go to Doctors Express. I did.
From there, I again told this doctor everything, but perhaps unsurprisingly she wasnt being all that helpful. Id pee in a cup again, I’d hear Im all clear, I know the drill. I began feeling frusterated, disparaging my eurologists office, and how it’s so difficult simply getting an appointment “Id be better off offing myself”.
Okay, so it was a bit more of a definitive statement than that, but here I did feel I was at the end of my rope.
She pitched this sort of decision for me that if I said I didnt mean that, I could get help at a facility that could help me, or perhaps this is where I misunderstood.
I did tell her of course I didnt mean it.
Not long after she left the room, a cop shows up, and now Im pressed with either saying I DID mean it, and getting help, or reaffirming I didnt and continue with my eurologists lousy staff.
I said I didnt, but what would be the implications if I said I did? They said “none”. I decided what the hell did I have to lose? Turns out, a lot.
I got shipped in an ambulance, processed in and was monitored by a cop. I couldn’t leave if I wanted to under some statute- I cant remember. Of course, I should have realised. I got to talking about the cost of an MRI, eventually concluded it was not worth everything Ive managed to save in cash, and from there did a 180 to get out of there. I sincerely apologized for wasting their time, I was just so frusterated with the healthcare system that I said something extreme. The behavioral specialist seemed to understand all this.
For a while, I wasnt sure if I was going to leave. I began to panic, seeing cops, nurses, and this awful hospital where I was being confined. Whenever Im upset, I want to be alone, and it felt as though my independence was being stripped.
An already long story short, after about 3 hours, I was discharged- having no history of hurting myself, and no one else they could talk to.
I dont know how any of you feel about this, but I feel like depression shouldnt be made into this sort of crime. The only reason I feel it is is because it’s simply not profitable. If you WANT to be protected, well then alright, but if you feel as though suicide is a considerable option given how your life has turned out, this country will not hear that. They will take that option away from you, and put you away.
Silly of me to have forgotten that
I was just desperate for some medical answers.
2 comments
I’ve always thought that it’s just damage control for all of the people that surround you. I mean, by the logic of most of the doctors i’ve talked to, if you really want to off yourself you don’t say it, and if you say it it’s just trying to get attention, or that you’re not entirely decided. Problem with the latter is that an undecided, suicidal person is often a mess, that can cause lots of damage for people around them.
I do understand your frustration tho. I have a few medical issues that have been there for years, due to the stupidity of some doctors. I have one particular issue that was partially caused by the (failed) solution to another issue. So… yup, medical system sucks. I do hope that eventually you can find a solution for your medical issue.
Well youre absolutely right. I did say it as a cry for attention- medical attention. In the process, I realized how badly I don’t want to find myself in a mental institution. I was bugging out.
I very much appreciate your kind words. I hope your symptoms aren’t too overbearing and that you can find relief as well.