I decided last night to sleep on it and I’ve decided, I think today is the day. Thank you all for just being here; it was nice to be able to talk about my feelings somewhere.
I’m afraid but I know what I have to do. I’m only 15 and I know I am missing important things in my potential future but I can’t care anymore. I am most sorry about the scene this will cause and the people I’ll be hurting, but I just don’t want to live anymore and they’ve got to realize it’s for the best.
I hope all of you feel better, you all deserve happiness and I hope you find it. I’ll post again if I botch this but if not, I just want to say thanks and I’m sorry.
13 comments
Sorry u feel that way I’m here if I want to talk man I’m close to the edge to
I wish I could say “don’t do it” but this blog (i hope) is known for its sincerity and I won’t spoil it by being a hypocrite. Many times I wanna kill myself too. I really liked your previous post. Bye for now friend.
I’m sorry you have gotten to this place. I will say that if you continue to talk with us here today there is a very good chance you’ll buy yourself another day…then another and another. then you may find yourself walking forward. Slowly, but gracefully, forward.
Awesome reply!!!
Sunflower speaks the truth!!!
I actually look forward to logging on every day; I haven’t looked forward to anything in a long time.
This site helps… because of people like Sunflower.
Jack, my brother.. she is hazy day sunflower.. just fyi.. we have a sunflower here also
Oh, ok. Yeah, I have a bad habit of abbreviating user names. Sorry. I’m a lazy ass. Haha!
OK, serious post here.
One thing to think about.
I wouldn’t even mention this, but you did make the comment “if I botch this.”
That means subconsciously you believe that botching it is a possibility.
If that’s the case, then reconsider your actions.
Suicide is not something you want to fail, because if you do, you may end up in a worse state.
You could survive the attempt only to wake up paralyzed from the neck down.
First, you wouldn’t be able to attempt it again; and you certainly wouldn’t be able to post anything here without the use of your hands. Life may seem pretty shitty now, but imagine how shitty it would be if you were confined to a wheelchair… or worse.
Think this thing through.
You have to be 100% committed to success.
If you are even .0000% unsure, then reconsider.
That is my advice.
Respectfully,
Jack
when I say “if I botch this” I just mean accounting for the possibility of something going wrong because there always will be that possibility, not because I want there to be that possibility. Thank you though, I appreciate a lot that you took the time to comment.
Yeah, I know you don’t want there to be a possibility of failure. That’s not what I was getting at. I meant that if you believe that there is a possibility of botching it, you probably will botch it. You have to be 100% committed to success.
But there are a few methods that are 100% guaranteed. You’ll have to discover them on your own. I can’t give you any help there because of the rules of this site.
Just think things through. Sleep on it. Tomorrow might look better. It probably won’t. But you never know till you get there. I have my up’s and down’s too. We all have a breaking point. True enough. Some people can handle more than others. How much you can handle depends on your stamina. Stay strong! Death will come soon enough. We can’t evade her forever.
I will add that what ever m@thod you are contemplating, none are 100% guaranteed. The only guarantee of death is living. Period. I’ll let that sink in a little just to make you just a little sadder.
But my intention isn’t to make you sadder, my intention is to put a mirror up and let you look at yourself, your life. It seems pointless right? It may be, but i’ll throw this out to you. What have you actually tried? I mean just gone all in, no hold barred just done for the complete fuck of it? I mean you are thinking of killing yourself right? That my friend is ballsy, i mean just really up there in the courageous ballsy department. I’m not glorifying suicide mind you, nope you won’t find me writing shitty poetry about the glories of a wonderful suicide, I rather find suicide ugly, brutish and nasty. It is ballsy however.
Now let me throw this out at you. Imagine what you could do if you threw that kind of ballsyness in another direction, any direction? I mean I always say if suicide is your option, then fuckit, go out there and do everything else. Kiss that person on New Years, tell that teacher he’s wrong, go swimming in a tank of water on farm land, watch every movie you ever thought you shouldn’t then go on IMDb and write really shitty reviews of them all, especially the oscar winners. Like go on there and just say “Bah Shinder’s list? What a fucking hack job I could have done such a better job with that story, that girl with the red balloon are you kidding?”. You know, just go out there and totally nail life with suicide as a back up plan. Nothing to lose right? Death is everyone’s back plan after all.
So recap:
Don’t do it please (disclaimer, had to add that)
Go out and nail life
Suicide can be your back up plan
Death is unfortunately everyone’s back up plan.
thank you so much.
I’ve tried being ballsy in other things but I don’t enjoy it and it never gets me anywhere. also I may yet be here another day, seeing as how I didn’t manage to do this properly and not only am I annoying everyone here I’m just really embarrassed
Oh no…you are not annoying at all. No need to feel embarrassed. I just posted a magna carta sized accounting of my own emotional ignorance, and I’m 47 years old, so I should really know better. Nope, no shame in honesty around here. We are all equals in our heart felt comments and needs. I am absolutely thrilled you are going to live another day. and maybe another day. Then one day you look back and 10,000 days have gone by and things are ok. Not great, but ok. I am hoping you find your own personal ok.
Dying is easy for men like us; it’s living that’s hard.
~Josey Wales.