I had a pretty good day today. I felt somewhat happy all day. It was a nice cloudy day and I’ve been happily enjoying my body and the lack of anxiety and depression that it feels today. However, I ran into an old friend at a restaurant and we chatted for a few minutes. I really hate talking to old friends because we have to summarize the last amount of years in a few sentences. I felt unaccomplished and having to tell him that I have basically done nothing with my life in the past years makes me feel annoyed and my anxiety crept back up. I mean, yes I have a decent job. I have a decent life. But still, I haven’t really done anything. I haven’t been married. I can’t hold down a proper relationship. I don’t have kids. I basically just stay home and I’m a hermit aside from going to my gym. I have a dog. But I haven’t traveled, I’ve stayed in the same town all my life and that’s it. I’m supposed to be more impressive, aren’t I? I hate feeling as if I need to do more, that I’m inadequate, that I’m not enough.
I hate to talk about my past relationship, but this is why we broke up. I felt like I wasn’t enough for him. Is it bad when a guy is head over hills for you and you keep on telling them that they shouldn’t love you? That they should move on to someone better? He got tired of my crap and took my advice and moved on. My self-esteem is so low. It always has been. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about it.