Anxiety? Social, specifically. I do – mine is so bad that I’m totally non-functional in life. I can’t do what other people do without extreme anxiety. I don’t see this getting better, at least not without a heroic effort (which I don’t have in me anymore, and anyway, I’d have to spread my heroic effort energies among lots of other problems which would mean none would truly be solved.) So, anyone…?
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i do as well have it.
me too
I do. It used to be much worse. It’s been getting better though. I think I’ll be able to get rid of it entirely with time.
Me also.
It was especially horrible during the school years (K-12).
I was keenly aware of other people’s reactions to me, and it always hurt extremely when they would bully or harass me with nasty ugly comments. Kids like ostracizing kids who are “different” in any way. I was different in a few ways.
I remember the teacher pulling me aside one day saying she noticed what was happening. Her theory was that the kids were just jealous that I could read better, or could get better grades, or whatever. I remember thinking “Yeah, never mind why they’re doing it, aren’t you going to put a STOP to it???”
No one ever put a stop to it.
So I had a terrifying amount of social anxiety as a kid.
I dreaded school.
I would have panic attacks (even though I didn’t realize that’s what they were called at the time).
I cringed at the thought of interacting with anyone about anything.
Then, something happened in my late teens.
I somehow became aware of the fact that if I PRETENDED I belonged, other people would “believe” it and treat me as if I was just a normal person.
It was fascinating.
When I went to college, I had a clean slate, and I tested my theory out many times during social situations.
Inside, I felt awkward, but on the outside, I was doing a remarkably good job of acting. I acted like I belonged there, I acted calm and easygoing and nonchalant, as if I had just as much to be there as anyone else.
It worked, about 91% of the time.
(There were still a few jerks, but that probably will never change.)
So these days, whenever I feel social anxiety coming on, I just remember… as far as anyone else knows, I’m just as normal as they are. All I have to do is act like it, and they won’t know any different. 🙂
I have a theory that social anxiety is, in some people, caused by a malfunction of the brain that makes it feel naked. When I meet someone I feel like everything I am, every emotion and thought I’ve ever had is right there on my face for everyone to see.
My anxiety got a lot better when I realized that this isn’t true.
It would be interesting to know if that malfunction is genetic, or if it’s caused by traumatic interactions during early childhood.
In my case, I feel like the latter is true.
There supposedly is a genetic cause.
@cordless
If it was due to a traumatic event you may still have been genetically predisposed to it. I believe the ability to control one’s cognitive/emotional state or lack thereof — i.e., anxiety — is a fundamental personality trait, but I’m sure people without such a predisposition develop anxiety disorders notwithstanding.
Yeah, I somewhat fake it now too. But there’s a limit to what I can do because panic attacks are still something that happens.
It wasn’t explained to me until after I finished school that I had and still have social anxiety. Around junior high when they introduced optional courses like foods, art, drama, etc… I started to learn how to act like I fit in thanks to my drama class. The only problem is that I got so invested with acting like I fit with everybody that, to this day, I have no idea who I really am. I have started to believe every lie I told to be relevant in conversations, to make friends (because god knows I wouldn’t have had any without the lies), to be sociably acceptable to whatever kind of social circle I was in at the time. Just another reason I want to die, maybe whatever awaits me will help me to remember who I really am beneath it all.
Me too – I just mostly went along with everyone else in school. Even now, I have to dig deep to figure out how I truly feel about things because I didn’t seem to form any sort of self.
Hi Zeldasky. I can relate. I agree with the coping mechanism of Cordless, I know it’s a cliché however the phrase “fake it till you make it” does ring true.
I would to ordinary things such as go grocery shopping and feel this internal tremor as I walked into the store. I don’t know if it was visible but I felt so nervous that I was sure the people working there must notice and suspect I was up to no good. I should point out that I’m honest and would never steal.
Also when the anxiety was at it’s worst I felt this burning pain in between my shoulder blades, it took me a while to realise that the trigger was anxiety.
There are medication which work extremely well to help alleviate anxiety. Those specific to serotonin generally work the best. Just be aware that all drugs have potential side effects, it’s sometimes a case of the lesser of two evils.
I know about the side effects all too well. Years of benzos have caused me to have chronic fatigue. I’m trying to taper off but don’t have high hopes of either getting off and dealing with life “without a net” or getting back to wellness. I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t.
*raises hand* me too. I have plenty of problems doing things that for other people would be regular stuff. I’ve learned to sort of fake it, but… yup, works like 50% of the time. So i’d either come up as a really confident guy, or a wimp.
@Mf
I’m the same way. I’d always be frontin and some of the time people would think “damn this a pretty cool, experienced guy,” but most of the time they’d probably just think “why is this guy acting like a little girl?”
I try to just keep it real now.
@AgentQ: you know what’s the funniest part? at times i’ve had people tell me in person that they look up to me, or that i’d influenced decisions in their life. Not lots, but more than i can count with one hand. At that point i just didn’t have the heart to tell them it’s all an act, and that they just made important decisions based on pure smoke and mirrors.
It’s good to hear that you are tapering off Benzos, they are generally only advised for short term use. Maybe a substitution for benzos is an option with something more tolerable like an SSRI, sometimes a substitute can make cessation easier. Talking to a good doctor with an in depth knowledge of psychoactive drugs can be pivotal.
Yep. Anxiety over here. I have been this way as long as I can remember.
I too have social anxiety. I was badly abused as a kid so I think it comes from my mentality that my parents and my family couldn’t love me so why would anyone else? And that the fear that everyone else will be cruel, even if it is very irrational. I used to cry every single time I had to go to the bank, if I ever called into work a lot of time I’d make someone else do it for me. Lots of stupid little hindrances that should be everyday things, but are for some reason terrifying, it sucks.
But honestly it has improved some, sometimes doing those things that cause me anxiety with other people who I feel comfortable with helps. I used to have a friend go to the bank and to the doctor and stuff with me and that helped. Sometimes just absolutely putting a huge effort forth and making myself do it has helped. These things don’t bother me as much now, like I don’t mind going to the bank anymore. Just takes lots of effort and facing fears, sometimes a buddy helps.