I was talking to my mother on the phone and she was yelling (this is hardly the first time and it’s not even a huge deal) and I just completely lost it, I started sobbing right there. I couldn’t even keep quiet and she noticed and asked why I was crying, and to make it worse I’m pretty sure my grandparents might have heard me too. I kept trying to put a hand over my mouth to not make noise but then my nose made noise when I gasped, and then I just pinched it too, which finally made me quiet but then I couldn’t breathe so the gasping just got worse and when I let go to breathe it was still bad.
I’m such a fucking failure. This was the absolute worst possible time to completely melt down and yet there I was. I look like I’ve been crying and am still trying to hold back tears now. Honestly I don’t know how I’m supposed to face any of them; this is so embarrassing.
Jesus, I really need to cut. I wish I’d brought my blades with me here. How am I supposed to get over this?