I have no motivation for anything! I’m about to graduate collage, but this last semester is killing me and I’m failing 3 classes. I don’t even care, after I graduate (or not) I’m leaving and going to do nothing with my fucking degrees and I don’t care, because I don’t like them anyways, I’m not going to make anything out of myself because I don’t care! the only reason I’m alive is because I cant seem to kill myself all the way! So I guess I’ll just keep not caring and living my whole stupid life because as long as I’m alive everyone’s happy. even if i’m not. Cuz that doesn’t matter.
“…I’m not going to make anything out of myself because I don’t care!” You went to college for a reason; some sort of hope and/ or reasoning, some goal and motivation that you had at the start deep down. Amd when I say, “…at the start…” I am saying: When you DECIDED to go tho college. Don’t lose that focus and remind yourself of that again. You’ve come this far, don’t quit now!
It’s that last part of the marathon, when u are the most tired, is when u need to push the hardest.
Sounds like your having an overload of emotions. I can understand that. I have been there. I have been in that place where I had so much pain in my life I just didnt care about life and I only wanted it to be over. But well. I have to say I think you need some chill time. See if you can get away from everything for a few days and just relax. Schooling can be stressful and when your overloaded with school work and other issues it can be overwhelming. Try to just get away from it all so to speak for a few days and catch you breath. Try to find a place where you can be away from all the stress for a few days… drink a few beers and chill out for a while. Give your mind and emotions a little time to relax. I think a few days of chilling out away from the stress will do you some good and then youll be able to refocus.
I can really relate to this. My last semester of college I was extremely depressed, because I realized that my chosen major did not lead to a career path that I actually wanted. I had basically no motivation and passed only one class. Fortunately that was somehow still enough to graduate. After I graduated I spent two years in AmeriCorps (a volunteer organization in the US) and did something completely unrelated to my degree. I was actually happy for those two years.