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First Post, Just Ranting So No One Takes The Time To Read It

by RyanIsAbnormal

I’ve been lurking on this sight for months now: but just recently made an account. I’m not sure if I waited so long because I was nervous about posting or because I didn’t want to push my problems onto others. But anyways, I guess now is a good a time as any. A little background before I get into what I really want to talk about, my dad was a very abusive drunk and mother left us relatively young due to a substance abuse problem. I was always looking for a way out, a way to find some normalcy in my life. Eventually I found it, it was oddly enough in a girl. I was young, maybe 14 (currently 18) but she changed my perspective on the world. She gave me this infinite desire to live; took me away from all the thoughts of suicide and depression. She was a truly amazing person. We dated for a long time. But one day, something happened to change this fun loving, bubbly girl with the long bangs and deep blue eyes.. One night changed her forever, she cut her bangs short, her eyes became empty, laugh no longer sincere. Her father molested her . I couldn’t give her the healing she gave me. I failed her. Then I lost her. But recently, after a couple years, we reconnected. We had talked a few times over that time span, but not like we have over the past couple weeks. I worry, I never quite got over her. I don’t want to lose her all over again. I don’t think I’d be able to take that mentally. But I also can’t just let the chance slip through my finger tips.. Sorry for spelling or grammar errors, it’s late and in not motivated enough to read this over.

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7 comments

darkwillow 4/20/2016 - 2:21 am

I really liked this story.. She seems really special. Welcome to the site, friend. We’ve all lost a lover here. Some, after 30+ years of marriage ect… Me, it was, 2 years. Sigh, it all hurts though.

I glad you have her again. Just, be the best you can be for her. And i know you already do that. Just please know, sometimes the best isn’t good enough. Not because “you’re” not enough. But her mental state might not be compatible with yours at specific moments of time. It happens. I hope the best for you though.

Care to tell us a bit about you? Hobbies, interests, small facts?

RyanIsAbnormal 4/20/2016 - 12:16 pm

Thank you for the positive words. & on the hobbies and facts, I love working with younger kids. I always have loved it, I think it stems from my many siblings (7). I plan on going to school for early childhood education after I graduate.

Cordless 4/20/2016 - 2:24 am

Welcome to SP.

And thank you for posting the story, as sad and painful as it was. We’re all here for different reasons, and I hope you’re able to find a safe warm place with us.

And I hope it works out in a way that you and your friend/girlfriend can be happy again.

RyanIsAbnormal 4/20/2016 - 12:17 pm

Thank you. In my time lurking I’ve seen you quite a bit. Are you around here a lot?

Cordless 4/20/2016 - 4:24 pm

I guess I am. (!)
😮

dividebyzero 4/20/2016 - 4:05 am

Thanks for posting this. I really hope the two of you can get back together, but like darkwillow said, if she just wants to be friends it’s not because of you. It’s because of what happened to her.

I had a girl like that in my life, about seven years ago. We worked closely together for a year in a volunteer organization. She just seemed to radiate love. She helped me believe that despite my social and emotional difficulties I could actually do some real good for other people. I loved her and in a way I still do, but I was wary about dating a co-worker, so I decided to wait until the end of the year to ask her out. A few months before the end of the year she went on a date with some guy and he raped her and she was in the hospital for a few days. She’s completely sworn off dating, but we’re still good friends.

RyanIsAbnormal 4/20/2016 - 12:19 pm

I’m sorry to hear that. Other than her swearing off dating, have you seen any other major changes in her? Thank you for your positive words ?

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