Coping SkillsGeneral Protected: Self-loathing is actually a wonderful coping mechanism. by whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 written by whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below: Password: [!] Report this post Processing your request, Please wait.... Report as: Write in Words: (Optional) copinghate mein themy lifeoldparentSelfwonderful 39 comments 0 Email Related posts I’m going to lose everything if I don’t... 2/22/2024 Bits 2/22/2024 waiting 2/22/2024 life is seriously too cruel 2/22/2024 been writing fanfiction 2/22/2024 Maybe Next Year 2/21/2024 I hate motorscooters 2/21/2024 How Do I Get “Zest” For Life Back? 2/20/2024 Don’t lets start 2/20/2024 When Will “Things Get Better”? 2/20/2024 39 comments Alan Ominous 4/27/2016 - 4:28 pm If you can’t beat em’, join em’. Right? In a way, I’m sorry you’re happy. Anyways, my attorneys will be in contact, see you in the courtroom. Log in to Reply whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 - 4:50 pm Exactly. I’m not happy, though. This is more of a corruption of happiness. A shadow of what it’s supposed to be. I won’t ever be happy until I claw my way out of this flesh prison. No, nevermind. Even then I won’t be happy. Unless the atheists are right. Or the Deists, even. I’m sorry that I upset you, but I’m not sorry that I wrote this. Log in to Reply Alan Ominous 4/27/2016 - 4:57 pm I get your drift. I wasn’t upset, just yanking you a bit. I do find your situation interesting though. The self hating. Looks to be a tough path to traverse. Myself, I tend towards false confidence. Log in to Reply whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 - 5:04 pm It may be a tough path, but for me, your path of false confidence would be much harder. It’s so much easier to exaggerate my flaws than it is to exaggerate my strengths or my virtues. It’s less of a reach. Log in to Reply Cordless 4/27/2016 - 4:37 pm I think my coping mechanism was to try very hard to be invisible. Log in to Reply Alan Ominous 4/27/2016 - 4:39 pm Hey…. who said that? Log in to Reply Cordless 4/27/2016 - 4:43 pm Now all I need is an invisible jet like Wonder Woman. I hope invisible gas is cheap. Log in to Reply Alan Ominous 4/27/2016 - 4:52 pm Methane? I hear it’s silent but deadly. Log in to Reply Cordless 4/27/2016 - 5:00 pm And combustible! Or so I hear. Log in to Reply whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 - 4:57 pm Did it work? Log in to Reply Cordless 4/27/2016 - 5:02 pm Either I really became invisible, or large chunks of my childhood were spent being totally ignored. I’m going to pretend it was the invisibility thing, just because that sounds so much cooler. Log in to Reply whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 - 5:22 pm Indeed it does. Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 6:14 pm There is a suggestion I’ve been considering making but I haven’t for a couple of reasons: 1. I’m not doing a terrible job following the suggestion myself, so it would be rather hypocritical of me. 2. While the ancient philosophers and prophets would agree with this idea, in modern times it isn’t popular at all. It might make you, or others who read it, angry. So if you decide you would like for me to tell you what I’m thinking, I will, but please do not be afraid to say no you’re not interested. It is pretty much impossible to offend me, and besides this is your thread for your post. Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 6:16 pm *I AM doing a terrible job……. Why can I not type a coherent sentence lately? Geez Log in to Reply whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 - 6:30 pm Perhaps you’re allergic to me. Log in to Reply whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 - 6:29 pm Well, thank you for giving me the option, but what else can I do? You’ve already appealed to my curiosity. And if I say “no” then I’ll forever wonder what it was you had to say. So, go ahead. Shoot. Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 6:52 pm Oh no, I never thought about it that way! I’m sorry! I will type it and if you think it’s a stupid idea just tell me it’s dumb or ignore it. Log in to Reply whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 - 7:03 pm Okay. Don’t feel bad. I’m not upset, just nervous. And if it insults me, I probably won’t care. At least, I will try not to care. I’m gradually training myself to accept insults. Log in to Reply rocketman 4/27/2016 - 6:20 pm mysteriousvisitor, What’s more fucked up is i understand them! 🙂 Log in to Reply whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 - 6:31 pm Rocketman, I think you meant to post this somewhere else. Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 6:49 pm I think he meant my messy sentences. I always try to be so careful about grammar, spelling, etc., but lately I’ve been typing some serious nonsense. Log in to Reply rocketman 4/27/2016 - 6:55 pm mysteriousvisitor, No wonder i understand them! 🙂 Log in to Reply rivets 4/27/2016 - 6:56 pm Now I feel like an ass for that other thing I posted. Heh. Your sentences are totally understandable. Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 7:15 pm What other thing, rivets? Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 7:32 pm Whatever it was, don’t feel bad. I just apologized on another post for saying something astoundingly stupid. Log in to Reply rivets 4/27/2016 - 7:46 pm You did exactly the same thing I thought I did. Hah.. We should form a club. 😀 Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 7:47 pm As long as there are no annual fees, I’m in. Log in to Reply rocketman 4/27/2016 - 6:37 pm whiskered-fish, HA HA! Your so right! How did that happen??? 🙂 Correction! nope i was referring too! mysteriousvisitor APR 27, 2016 @ 18:16:09 *I AM doing a terrible job……. Why can I not type a coherent sentence lately? Geez by the time i posted it the comment was way up there! Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 6:50 pm Oh I responded about before I even read this. There, see what I mean? Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 6:50 pm *above I need help. Log in to Reply whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 - 7:04 pm I think you really are allergic to me. Or maybe your keyboard? Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 7:12 pm Okay, here goes: An extremely popular mantra for modern society is that we all need to learn to “love ourselves before we can love others”. There are t-shirts, bumper stickers, self-help books, and articles all over the Internet telling us this. Passages are taken out of context from philosophical and religious texts and mangled to support this idea. Ancient spiritual practices are corrupted to teach this idea. Personally, I see absolutely no reason to put any faith in this idea. And for people who are full of self-hatred and have experienced a lot of abuse it puts an almost insurmountable barrier in front of them. So here is the suggestion: Set aside how you feel about yourself and how others act toward you, and concentrate on how you act toward others. In other words, become involved in some sort of activity, charity work perhaps, where your focus is entirely on giving to and helping others. There are people out there who would be so incredibly appreciative of anything you could do for them. They wouldn’t belittle you or be cruel to you, but instead you would see the appreciation in their eyes as the pain of their suffering is eased by your actions. It could also be working with animals or nature. I don’t believe that love is like a material commodity that needs to be stored in our emotional warehouse before we can give it away. We create it in the act of giving it away, like a thought that forms as we express it, and in turn that love begins to come back to us. Log in to Reply whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 - 8:16 pm I don’t think that that’s stupid, and I can’t see why you thought that that would anger me. I agree with you completely. You probably remember me telling you that I am a Christian. Although, here, I am ashamed to say so, because as you all can see from my posts, I am not very Christ-like, or even very decent as a person. But I am still a believer. And everything you said is at the core of my faith. I do in fact do volunteer work, although, because of school, I can’t do as much as I used to. My favorite thing that I do, is I go on a trip up into Appalachia, and I repair houses for families. I was devastated when I learned that I wouldn’t be able to do that again this year. It’s truly a spiritual experience, if I’ve ever had one. You completely lose yourself in those folks. And of course, in the work, too, which is always very hard. But more than worth it. You aren’t the first person to prescribe charity work to me. Although I already do some, it really isn’t much anymore. Maybe I should do as you say. The other thing you proposed is very scary though. That is, to set aside how I feel about myself. This coping mechanism that I have—while I don’t enjoy it, exactly—is comfortable, and familiar, and easy. While it isn’t very healthy, it’s still a guarantee. One of the only guarantees that I have in my life. And asking me to abandon it is like asking me to put a coin into a claw machine. The coin is a guarantee. I know that if I sacrifice it, I could gain something better. But there’s no certainty of that. What I’m saying is, it’s a gamble. And I’m not typically a gambler. This isn’t to say that I won’t still make the sacrifice. I’m really not sure yet. I’m just voicing my apprehensions about it. Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 8:58 pm I apologize if it seemed like I was assuming that you never did any charity work. I didn’t mean for it to come across that way. I just know that when people are suffering terribly they often have very little energy and it’s hard to get out and do anything. I know from personal experience. Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 9:03 pm I grew up on the western edge of Appalachia. That part of Ohio is very pretty. Log in to Reply whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 - 9:04 pm Oh, no worries. I didn’t get that impression. Log in to Reply whiskered-fish 4/27/2016 - 9:07 pm And wow, that’s cool. It’s a small world. I’ve never done any work in Ohio. So far, I’ve worked in West Virginia twice, Tennessee, and Kentucky. Log in to Reply mysteriousvisitor 4/27/2016 - 9:10 pm I live in the Rocky Mountain region now and more than one person here has referred to me as a flatlander because I’m from Ohio. I have to explain to them that the eastern portion of Ohio is in the Appalachian foothills – although those foothills are tiny compared to the ones here. Log in to Reply AnnaBananas 5/3/2016 - 7:18 pm I am not allowed to do charity work anymore. I have a violent felony for breaking a cop car window in a blind rage when I was twenty… I am 34 now… For those who want to tell me I still have options just look up Michigan law… I am not allowed to have most jobs in this state. I have been homeless for a year and a half and have gotten nowhere except further behind the sheep herd. I would like to tell you what I have tried… I used to think hating myself was the answer, just as you do… Then I tried hating everyone else. Stepping on everyone in my way without regard to feeling and always achieving exceptional results. Then one day someone told me I had become a cold and uncaring person. So I changed back to who I used to be. I started to care again… I volunteered and such. I acknowledged the feelings of others. Do you know what happened? My life fell apart… I was trampled by the herd. If you do not step on those who are in your way without feeling bad then someone will step on you and you will find yourself at the back of the herd. I am on my way back to the cold and uncaring person I had become so good at being. Guess what… I am getting results!!! Log in to Reply Leave a Comment Cancel ReplyYou must be logged in to post a comment.Subscribe to comments: Don't subscribe All new comments Replies to my comments Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. You can also subscribe without commenting.