When I was younger, I was also a lot happier, because I had no worries about what could happen next, I never thought that not paying attention in class leads me to being really dumb and unable to graduate and therefore find a job. Even if I do, for what? So I can just keep paying stupid bills and doing the absolute same thing every day just so I can live?
Every single stupid decision I ever made my life harder every passing day. Every single fucking one of them, I regret them and there’s no way I can go back and change them, it’s just too late, too late to say sorry to that one person who actually cared for me, too late to actually study and have a chance of having success in life, too late…
If everything in my life is so shit and so unfix-able, then why is it so hard for me to end it, why is it so hard for me to just jump off that one tall building, why is it so hard to just cut myself until I bleed to death, knowing it would just end it all and stop this struggle? Because there might be something way worse in the afterlife, because my next life (if it exists) will be even more shit? WHY?
7 comments
I’m not so sure that it’s too late. While you can’t go back and change what has happened, you can adjust course and work on the future.
Bills are a necessary evil. Almost everything we need/want in life comes with a cost. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. People who make and provide products should get paid for what they do.
That brings me back to your comment about classes. It’s very common for people to return to school and pursue a degree…even much later on in life. What type of occupation would interest you? The US Department of Labor has an ‘Occupation Outlook Handbook’ that’s online. It discusses hundreds of occupations and… importantly… projects their future growth (positive or negative) in the coming years.
Once you find an occupation you like that is projected to grow, consider returning to school. Look at financial aid options. If your research shows that the field is viable in the long-term, then your student loans will be paid back smoothly. What you did previously in class is irrelevant. Study hard now and you’ll be fine.
Having a steady income can give you a lot more opportunities in life… Those bills won’t be such a pain and you’ll be able to take a break from the ‘same thing every day’ that you mentioned.
Things don’t have to be difficult forever. Give yourself a chance … and be determined … to adjust course.
As a side note, welcome to this site. There are many good people here who will offer support.
Yeah its pretty common to have been happier when you were younger. I feel the same way. Because when we are younger we are not aware of all the Bullshit that goes on in the world and we are not aware of other issues in life that are difficult to deal with. So when we are young we are just kind of dont know about some of the dark things of life yet. So its easier to be happy when we are younger. And YES > some of the bad choices that we made when we were young come and catch up with us later on and we wind up kicking ourself in the ass that we didn’t do better.
Trust me > I have been there. I made a lot of stupid mistakes when I was young that I am still paying the price for now in life. The bad news is that we CAN”T go back and undue what we messed up in the past. But the Good news is that We CAN seize the time that we have NOW and make changes to our lives to try and make things better. And things can get better as we take steps to make them better.
So try not to live in the past. Let your past Go… and rather try to focus on what you can change NOW about your life that will make things better for you.
I wish you the best of luck.
Try to get those thoughts of ending your life OUT OF YOUR MIND and rather TRY to think about what you can do in your life to make things better for yourself.
Hang in there.
Hey there!
We all made some pretty bad decisions in our lives, and yeah, we may be suffering from them now, but as you said, there’s nothing we can do to change our past.
I’m ONE exam to finish a Career that I don’t like. I wish I had studied anything else, but well, now I’m about to be a Lawyer, that’s life. What I can do now is work as a Lawyer while I study what I really want (I want to be a book editor, bite me XD).
I mean, we can’t go back in time, but we can stop and see where we are, and focus on where we want to be. Set your goals, and go towards them. Slowly but surely, you’ll be in a better place, I promise.
@distant.road made some amazing points, some of which I wasn’t aware of (I’m not from the US), and
@Phantom is so right: focus your energy in what can makes things better for you.
I wish you the best of lucks! Talk to me anytime you want. I’ll always reply.
Thank you, you actually did help me a bit, I’l try change what I can, and forget the things I wished I changed, thank you again.
BTW I’m not from the US either, but been there once, there’s a lot more opportunities there than there are here, so I might consider moving there to fix my life.
And thank you again. <3
Good luck with everything.
Try to stay Optimistic!
some times the attitude that we entertain….can either draw good things to us or push good things away from us. SO try to stay positive and Optimistic.
I wish you well.
Its hard because what we really wish for is solution, not death. Death seems like a way of solving things, because we, in our depression, are not able to see any other possible way. But there are many ways, almost infinite really. Even though we are limited by our surroundings, we are free to make the effort of change. “Do you know the parable about the frog in the cream? Two frogs landed in a pail of cream. One, thinking rationally, understood straight away that there was no point in resistance and that you can’t deceive destiny. But then what if there’s an afterlife – why bother jumping around, entertaining false hopes in vain? He crossed his legs and sank to the bottom. The second, the fool, was probably an atheist. And she started to flop around. It would seem that she had no reason to flail about if everything was predestined. But she flopped around and flopped around anyway . . . Meanwhile, the cream turned to butter. And she crawled out. We honour the memory of this second frog’s friend, eternally damned for the sake of progress and rational thought.”
? Dmitry Glukhovsky, Metro 2033