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Protected: young years

by Dungeon

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Kenny McCormick 4/30/2016 - 10:42 pm

We all remember the simpler times. I miss them a lot. People think simpler times equals childhood. Imho depends who you are with, age doesn’t matter that much. If you’re a girl and a gay one, all I can tell you (if you don’t already know) it’s going to fucking hurt. Relationships and stuff. Except if you have some extraordinary luck. I had a similar experience. Sometimes I think of calling her. What am I going to tell her? That I’m suicidal and I love her? Pffft. Right. Anyway, I know much it sucks to be stuck with useless memories that just cause you pain. Sometimes I wish I could throw them away but I’m way too attached.

Dungeon 4/30/2016 - 10:55 pm

Although I’m not a girl nor a gay one, I’ve decided that relationships are not a good idea for me. And for me all my memories are important even the shitty ones, they were the experiences that built the person I am today and even if thoroughly dislike who I am, they’re still mine and no one else’s.

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/30/2016 - 10:57 pm

I’m thinking Kenny assumed you are female due to your avatar pic.

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/30/2016 - 10:56 pm

Maybe she has warm thoughts about you too. I choose to believe that.

Dungeon 4/30/2016 - 11:01 pm

I never thought about it like that, that’s a really nice way to put it.

Kenny McCormick 4/30/2016 - 11:07 pm

Nah, I assumed it because of “this other girl”. Usually girls say “this other girl” when speaking about a girl while guys just say “this girl”. Anyway, I know what you mean. But my brain in particular likes to distort memories and sometimes adds stuff that never happened. That’s why I don’t really cherish memories. I never know exactly how real they are. And yeah, relationships suck. It’s getting harder and harder with years to deal with people. I hope you find the simple times again. I hope we all find them.

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/30/2016 - 11:16 pm

OH yeah Your’re right. I suck at assigning gender around here. I just assume everyone is this gender neutral type thing. It is a lot safer. At least for my sanity. Well what little is left that is.

Still this was a really sweet story, regardless of gender. Or even age for that matter. The story is really timeless. It speaks to my heart really, who hasn’t had that one person who we think “gosh I wonder if they think kind thoughts about me?”. Well you did say that your memories are rough so maybe that isn’t a good thing to say to you?

For me memory is all rehearsal. I stopped bothering to rehearse the shit so all that is left is nice memories. And a lot of blanks. But I’m okay with that. I’d rather have blanks than the complete clusterfuck that would be there if I bothered to rehearse it.

Which is why I dislike visiting family or old friends, they always want to remind me of the shit. Please don’t. I don’t need more shit in my life, what I need are more flowers and some nice piano music tonight, maybe Mozart? And to think “I wonder if that boy still thinks kindly about me?”. Tonight I will rehearse that he does.

Dungeon 4/30/2016 - 11:28 pm

I added an OST to the post that has some nice piano tunes in there, I’ve been listening to it while laying in bed. Maybe I’ll take a fond trip through memory lane when I fall asleep.

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/30/2016 - 11:32 pm

@Dungeon: oh this is lovely. and sweet. I can’t imagine falling asleep to anything nice tonight. Enjoy memory lane.

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/30/2016 - 11:32 pm

shesh…NICER. sigh.

Kenny McCormick 4/30/2016 - 11:39 pm

Love blooms everywhere, no matter gender, there’s no doubt in that. Just the gay thing makes everything x10 worse. It gives you this special “package” of thoughts that normally never occur to other people. Yes, the whole trip to past with old friends and relatives is horrible. They all know a version of me I’ve killed years ago and I don’t want to deal with their feelings towards my change. So I just pretend not to know them anymore. My memories have always been all over the place. I try to live in the present, because my past is a whole labyrinth and to this day I’ve never found an exit. Nice music is always a good choice. Makes my thoughts shut up instantly.

gkks 5/1/2016 - 11:14 am

Your post reminded me my school years. Yeah things were a lot simpler. I miss those years. People told not to grow up but it was inevitable. I miss school, i miss my school friends, i miss being happy. Now, many years later, I’m in a suicide forum, alone, sad,anxious and scared about my future.

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