I’m addicted to him. This beautiful man… I call him kitty. The sweetest of humans alive. He has, in the last few weeks, made me feel like love is real. Like it’s possible.
But it’s just another dangling carrot for a stupid rabbit. I can never be with him. Tonight we both admitted that.
I thought I could get better… but life just likes to show me, taunt me, with that which I want before it rips it away from me.
So I’ve decided to do a little chemistry experiment. The result will be a poison that is known for killing cattle in nature. But if I can get just a tiny little bottle of it… I figure I’ll either be dead or brain dead. I don’t care. At this point, if I had the courage I’d cut out my own heart. But I don’t. So this will give me the time to either get over it… or not.
I’m just so sick of feeling… every little thing. Every day. Feeling like suicide is just looming over me at every turn.
2 comments
I read this. My heart goes out to you. I understand.
I feel for you. I actually made a post the other day about the Dangleing carrot effect.
That life just dangles the good life in front of me> but I never get to actually get it.
it sucks I know. Life sometimes feels like a cruel joke.
I have dreams at night where everything is good > then I have to wake up to my pathetic reality that is far away from that good life I dreamt about.
Well I know how you feel. I hope you dont go and oft yourself. I hope that you are able to find another solution to your issues and live
I wish you the best
Life can be hard > but its worth it to go on.
I wish you peace