Hello again, everyone.
I know, most of you don’t know you, and the ones who do probably don’t remember me, but that’s ok.
I posted a few things some weeks ago, and talking with all of you made me realized I wanted to be better. I even start looking College where I can study psychology, Weird.
Anyway, it doesn’t matter now.
I wanted to apologize for not being around. I had you all in my mind all of this time, I prayed for all of you, but I didn’t feel strong enough to enter this site.
Now, I don’t feel strong enough to do anything, really.
I decided I won’t make it to my 26th birthday.
I’m SO tired of being a failure, and watching people my age or younger do amazing things, and travel the world, and do what they love, and love what they do, and have friends, jobs, and a stable family, and… I have nothing. I don’t have a reason to live anymore. I’m 100% sure now that my mother will be just fine without me. I wanted to read a book that came out this month but, oh, surprise, I don’t even have the money to buy a stupid book. And I won’t have it, because my debts are +80.000$ so, yeah. Not having a job and owing so much money… doesn’t look like I’ll travel the world, right?
So, I refuse to see myself become a 26-years-old me. I mean, that’s MORE THAN A QUARTER OF A CENTURY. I can’t justify my life anymore. I’m just a waste of space (well, I’ve been sleeping on the floor of the dinning room for months, but besides that….).
I want to have a little dignity, and I won’t if I turn 26.
I have a little more than a month to read some books that I have but haven’t read, and to watch the movies I want and can find online.
Have no one to say goodbye to. No one would miss me. And no, I KNOW IT’S LIKE THAT, don’t try and say otherwise.
You all have been a great help for this last couple of weeks. Made me realized there’s nothing specifically wrong /with me/. Some people are not meant for this world, I guess.
Can’t live sad and frustrated and angry and lonely anymore.
If you want to, stay strong.
If you don’t, it’s OK to give up on this life.
Love you all.
1 comment
You don’t have to apologize for coming on here or not. Or for taking up space. You are allowed both of those without question, ever.
I don’t know your life or your mother so if you are certain that you wouldn’t be missed, I won’t try to tell you that I know there is. But please consider that what your brain interprets is not always all there is. If you believe that you are a waste of space who wouldn’t be missed as you say, you will take in and remember things that you perceive as supporting evidence of that. I do the same thing and am trying to become more conscious of it. But please, please realize that there can be evidence to the contrary. And if there really is no one, please also consider that you will affect whoever finds you. There was a post I saw on here a while back about someone who found their family member’s body after suicide and it sounded horribly traumatic.
I hope you realize that you aren’t a failure. Literally everyone is a work in progress. And I’m glad it’s helped you to post here and that you continue to do so. Sending best wishes :).