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lost somewhere between heaven and hell…..

by noneedforaname

No rants today for a change, just stuck inside of my mind. The one place I despise the most. I wonder why there are people in this world that want to live, but die. There are people in this world that want to die, but yet they live. That’s seems cruel to me sometimes. I know for myself it has been a constant struggle, trying to keep it together for the people in my life, especially when I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have to deal with my so-called ” mental illness “. As a child I obviously didn’t know what was going on, and sometimes I still don’t as an adult lol. I do know that the self hatred has continued to grow and age with me. Everything and everybody that I loved most in this world is gone, and how I wish I could be with my son. Just to be able to see him smile again and not just in a picture, to hear him say ” it’s ok Pop’s, everything is gonna be ok “. And even though my other kids have moved on with their own lives and don’t have anything to do with me anymore. I still have my youngest daughter, and as much as I hate this miserable existence, I have to keep going for her. I only get my little angel on the weekend, and it hurts so bad every Sunday when I have to drop her off and tell her goodbye again. Then I get to be alone with ( ME ) like I am right now. Somewhere between heaven and hell. Unfortunately it breaks my heart to know that there are so many other people that are in their own personal limbo. And in a world as advanced as the one we live in, there’s no help.


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Wintergirl 5/17/2016 - 12:01 am

Glad to see you back to posting some here..I wanted to ask you something about Detroit. Does it seem like a oversized ghost town with all the vacant buildings and abandoned houses? I’ve seen some pictures and there was this one series of photos depicting a whole neighborhood where all the houses were demolished. The side walks were still there and to me the pictures looked almost haunted. I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for abandoned places.

noneedforaname 5/17/2016 - 12:13 am

Hey wintergirl, I hope all is well. Detroit can be just as you described it in some places. But some places are actually making a come back, alot of the rich and over privileged are buying up property and fixing them up so in that aspect it’s a good thing. I know along W. Grand Blvd. There are some of the coolest houses. And in southwest where I grew up, again just cool, but not only that, there’s a lot of great old businesses and buildings. Look up pictures about the old train station downtown, was actually saved and made into a historical landmark. Absolutely beautiful and fascinating old building, one of my favorites

noneedforaname 5/17/2016 - 12:16 am

Watch the opening credits to the movie ” four brothers ” it was filmed here, Mark Walberg drives by the train station. I guarantee you’ll love it

Wintergirl 5/17/2016 - 1:11 am

I just added the movie to my amazon cart. I watched a few clips on YouTube.

Wintergirl 5/17/2016 - 12:38 am

I remember seeing something on the news a while back 6 months maybe, where tons of homes were going for dirt cheap prices $1000 or so, but whoever bought the home had to fix it up within a certain time frame. The big D is making its comeback, slowly but surely.

noneedforaname 5/17/2016 - 12:50 am

Lmao, I’m not sure about all that. And besides, some of us old cats don’t like change. “The Neighborhood” as alot of us refer to it is home just the way it is. You got Mexican Town in southwest Detroit where you can find some of the best Mexican food, and latino markets and bakeries. And of course middle eastern restaurants and shops, very diverse. My point being is that this the way it’s always been to me, and I hope for the most part it stays this way. Humble. And besides, how can you come and explore old abandoned and haunted looking buildings in Detroit if somebody fixes them lol

Wintergirl 5/17/2016 - 1:04 am

Yeah, it was just a story and it pertains to houses in general. Not necessarily whole areas, I get what you are saying. My city has a lot of old areas and for the most part it’s all the same as it’s always been… My neighborhood is an old Polish area, downtown is artsy and trendy. I have mixed feelings about some of the work they do in my city, trying to turn things around but I hope we don’t lose what this area stands for in the process.

4beyondhelp 5/17/2016 - 1:11 am

I’m glad you have some spots of joy and I hope you can hang on to those and can have them more often.
I live in Toledo, so I know what you mean about part ghost-town, part making a comeback.

noneedforaname 5/17/2016 - 1:26 am

I travel with my job, and run with an M/C. Run through Ohio alot, Toledo kicks ass. Lmao, some pretty great times there

4beyondhelp 5/17/2016 - 1:36 am

Lol, first time I’ve heard someone say that! Usually when I tell people I’m from there they ask if I’ve heard that damned John Denver song about spending a week in Toledo one night. It’s not near as bad as a lot of people would make it out to be, that’s for sure. I’ve had some great times, although I wouldn’t go far enough to say it’s one of my favorite places.

noneedforaname 5/17/2016 - 1:45 am

Yeah but you live there, so for me its cool to visit and hang out with bro’s I don’t get to see all the time. I live in Detroit, everybody thinks it’s the coolest thing ever. And im like ” yawn ” Lmao so I know what you mean. But Toledo has a little spot in my heart. Ever hear of the Toledo speedway jam ???

4beyondhelp 5/17/2016 - 1:54 am

haven’t heard of it!

noneedforaname 5/17/2016 - 2:07 am

Lmao, I forgot I’m old. Anyways when I was a teenager we used to save up our $4-$5 get party goods and head to Ohio. The Toledo speedway jam, where just some of the most kick ass concerts you could ever imagine. Id be amazed if you couldn’t google it. Haha. Guess what I’m gonna do later. Yep, google Toledo speedway jam. I may be nutz, but I even impress me every now and then lol

Wintergirl 5/17/2016 - 1:17 am

I’ve been to Detroit a few times already, once for a medical consult and the other times for Tigers games and high school football games. It’s been a while. I think there is a trader Joe’s there too. But now we have a Trader Joe’s here and you think I’ve been there yet? Nope.

noneedforaname 5/17/2016 - 1:24 am

On google + it’s a bunch of blogs I guess they’re called, anyways there’s one that I actually joined awhile back called abandoned buildings. ( I really like old buildings too ) this site has pictures and stories about the places they’re showing. Check that out, I really think you’ll enjoy it

Wintergirl 5/17/2016 - 1:47 am

I’m not on Google + much but I will try to find that group. Sounds interesting. Thanks for sharing.

noneedforaname 5/17/2016 - 1:33 am

And wintergirl id like to say thank you. Since I’ve been on this site there’s a few familiar I guess I can say friends, yourself included that have always been there with a kind word, or even just a hello. I know we all have problems and try to help each other out here. But I feel really lucky to have met you, cordless, whiskered fish, rocketman, and everybody that I didn’t name, you’re a special young lady, don’t ever change who you are

Wintergirl 5/17/2016 - 1:46 am

Thanks, I consider you to be a friend here too. I like coming here and talking about whatever, much better than hanging out on fb. SP is a great place, I was not in a good mindset when I found it. Some days I’m still not but in all honesty this place had helped me. I’m thankful for the people here who reach out with support.

noneedforaname 5/17/2016 - 2:10 am

It helps me too 🙂 I really am thankful for SP and the people on here

darkwillow 5/17/2016 - 1:49 am

your icon looks like a bear wintergirl and thats seriously awesome! Feel honored

Wintergirl 5/17/2016 - 2:01 am

Haha thanks. I think it looks like a penguin.

Cordless 5/17/2016 - 2:36 am

I think the wifi will live juuuust long enough for me to stop in here and say hi to all of you.


noneedforaname 5/17/2016 - 4:36 pm

Hi cordless, I hope all good

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