this has been the most emotionally exhausting day of my entire godforsaken existence. I don’t know what to do or think anymore, I’m just crying and crying. I’ve got the absolute worst headache from having 5 hours of sleep and 4 hours of crying. This just fucking sucks ass.
I had to call my mother and tell her I’m self-harming. She says she thought I was the one thing she got right in her life, but apparently I’m not. So, great. Fan-fucking-tastic. I have ruined my mother’s life and all this without her even knowing I’m suicidal. she asked why I would even tell her if there wasn’t anything I wanted her to do and since as far as she knows this phone call was my idea, I said what the counselor said, which is just that as a mother it was the kind of thing she would want to know.
She is so disappointed in me. I can hear it in her voice. I ruin everything. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.