Does anyone actually remember the first time they decided that death was the only option?the first time that suicide was the only light they saw in this world?i cant remeber when,i dont know when it started,but it feels like its been that way my whole life.those who dont know cant see it how i do.to me,death is like going to bed at the end of a long day and knowing that it will all be okay once you close your eyes,no more problems or worries. Just beautiful peace.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
4 comments
I just hit me today, I got to get the fuck out of here. My only regret is the years I have wasted on trying to live. It was all pointless. I wish I would have died a longtime ago but I was stupid to believe that things would get better, they don’t it only gets worse. I wish my father never loved me so much or I’d hang myself right now.
Yes I remember the first time I decided death was the only option – I was 6… it might have been earlier buy my memory isn’t that good.. it feels like forever and I fucking hate everything about life. I’ve tried suicide so many times and noatter hoe hard I tru, death won’t accept me. They said it would get better, but all its done is gotten worse, why bother living if it’s fucking terrible? I don’t know.
When I was very young, the only way I could fall asleep would be by imagining I wouldn’t wake up. Then when I was about 9 or so, it occurred to me that I could actually do something about it. My heart was racing and I remember being very afraid of entertaining such thoughts. I let myself got with it, and it has been my constant companion for the past 43 years.
It’s finding a peaceful & painless way to ‘stay’ asleep that’s the biggest hurdle.
I’m watching a Documentary called How to Die in Oregon (2011) and even although all the participants are terminal whereas i’m physically fit & well i feel so green with envy as they’re filmed taking the perennial happiness potion.
In answer to your question, I really can’t remember the precise moment. What stands out most though is in a desperate bid to reach out I remember saying to the sperm donor when I was sixteen how I didn’t want to be here anymore & he told me in no uncertain terms that whatever I decided, to make sure I did it far away from his house ( i’ll never forget the orgasmic look in his eyes as I told him )