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Too much

by A.ddleAide

I think too much. I know I think too much and it scares me. It scares me that I can’t turn it off and pisses me off when I’m not in control. I need to be in control. Over the years, I’ve learned the hard way to always be the asshole and to protect myself first at all costs. Yes, that is selfish, but sometimes I think that maybe being a little selfish in life isn’t such a bad thing and then thinking about that makes me feel worse. Some days, I can tune it out a little, on other days I’m overwhelmed, flooded. I’m drowning in vicious thoughts that attack me from all angles and when I try to fight back, I am captured by irrational anger and I lose more control. It pisses me off when I’m not in control. It pisses me off when I know other people have the power to hurt me, and I’ve been hurt way too many times to let it happen again. I am out of control and scared and angry.


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rocketman 6/19/2016 - 8:06 pm

TAKE IT EASY! I like being in control too! but when i see a conversation is going sideways i just end it, what people say doesn’t put them in control, they are just dummies talking. 🙂

Cordless 6/19/2016 - 8:10 pm

I can definitely understand what it’s like to be drowning in overwhelming things that are coming at me from every direction.

I also identify with the part at the end where you said you’ve been hurt way too many times to let it happen again.

In fact I’ve felt a lot like that lately.
At least we’re in good company; I bet we aren’t the only ones here who know what it’s like.

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