I think too much. I know I think too much and it scares me. It scares me that I can’t turn it off and pisses me off when I’m not in control. I need to be in control. Over the years, I’ve learned the hard way to always be the asshole and to protect myself first at all costs. Yes, that is selfish, but sometimes I think that maybe being a little selfish in life isn’t such a bad thing and then thinking about that makes me feel worse. Some days, I can tune it out a little, on other days I’m overwhelmed, flooded. I’m drowning in vicious thoughts that attack me from all angles and when I try to fight back, I am captured by irrational anger and I lose more control. It pisses me off when I’m not in control. It pisses me off when I know other people have the power to hurt me, and I’ve been hurt way too many times to let it happen again. I am out of control and scared and angry.