Can’t go home. Can’t go to him either. He says I’m needy and that I shouldn’t need him as often as I do. He says I’m annoying. He says a lot of things that I never would have put up with in the past.. I deserve better, right? But sleeping alone is the most difficult thing in the world. Being alone in a house with only your thoughts can be dangerous. It is dangerous. So I left. But I have no way to contact anyone else. I’m sitting outside of a fucking Walmart using the wifi. It isn’t safe for me to be alone tonight, but he won’t listen and doesn’t care. I have no way of telling anyone else. I know I’m needy. I know I ask too much of the people in my life, but I told him that from day one. He isn’t the reason I’m falling apart tonight, but he definitely isn’t a reason not to.
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People need their space, and when we have other stuff going on and we’re tired and frustrated sometimes our patience can run thin, and that’s when we don’t censor what we say and might sound more unkind and blunt than usual.
It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you at all, but he just wants to be alone right now.
I’ve been on both sides of this scenario where I feel pushed away, but I’ve also been the one shutting the other person out when I need time to process things and don’t want to be bothered. Yes, if we love and care about someone we SHOULD make sure they know that, even if we want space, but well, we’re human and it’s not easy to always say and do the right thing.
In these instances it’s good to learn how to be on your own so that you don’t need to lean on someone for support – unless you post here, which won’t bother anybody. 😛
I could understand that if this was a rare occurance, but it isn’t. Every time I open my mouth about anything I’m feeling, I get shut down. I really wouldn’t need him so much if I had any kind of support in the first place. Ya know? I understand needing space. Even I need space. But things got really bad a few weeks back and he’s remained cold. If I’m happy, we’re fine. If I’m not, he doesn’t want me around at all.
Well if it happens every time, then you just have to accept that that is how he is. Not everyone is good at giving emotional support. Most people don’t understand a constant need of emotional support because they themselves simply never need it. They might see it as a weakness or frustrating or annoying, or might consider it histrionic or manipulative. There are lots of good people that just don’t experience those excessive highs or lows and can’t really empathize with it.
The bigger issue is that since you know he isn’t supportive enough, you need to figure something else out. You already said you have no other support, why is that? You have SP, there are plenty of people here that listen and try to be supportive. I know It isn’t the same as having a person actually physically there for you though.
Im in the same situation and it is terrible. I know he’s going through a lot on his own, but he’s the only person I have felt close enough to tell my whole story to, but he talks to me like I’m garbage now. Like you, I’m “the most annoying” person to him for some reason, and always “need too much attention”. He said those exact words to me tonight, and he’s the only person I’ve talked to all day. It’s been so many years, and he was nice at first. Now I’m used to being treated like crap when I never used to put up with that, and have watched my self esteem and my life crumble. I have nothing left. I know that people say that, but I really have nothing left. He’s the only person who knows I’ve been suicidal since 2015, and I cannot imagine telling anyone else, even my sometimes therapist. I even warned him that it was a rough mental day a couple of hours before he started putting me down. Sometimes I wonder if he would prefer if I just had the guts to do it. it would solve all of his problems. I’m sorry you’re going through this. Reading your post, I felt like I had written it.
I know how you feel. I always feel alone. I always need the one I love, but I can’t go to her, or talk to her even. I don’t even have anyone anymore. No one to confide in or talk to when I really need them. I fucked up, now I’m all messed up just waiting to grow the balls and take care of the problem, me. I wish I could help you….I feel for you. I don’t even know how to save myself though….
I hope you found a place. If not, are you in your own car? Park at a well lit 24 hour gas station. There are shelters if you feel that’s better for you. Sorry things have become so rough. You’ve come such a long way, don’t give up on life now. Hugs.
that’s fucked. im sorry for you. i understand totally too. being alone with your thoughts can be utterly destroying.
when someone was your world and then they are gone, its the most gut wrenching shit ever and it creates a scenario where your brain runs with shit until you either shut down or crack.
one thing to keep in mind is your not annoying, its his loss. fuck him.
everyone deserves happiness, i think, well when it comes to me i don’t deserve shit, another story for another day. but back to you, you deserve happiness, you are a capable person. go forth and own it, you don’t need to be told the shit of a toxic persons rambling.
i also sympathize. i am as needy as baby wombat and i hate it.
It may not be worth much, but your favorite walrus is here for you.
Sorry things are so terrible right now.
Sorry I suck so much with words right now. Really though, you’re fucking awesome, anyone calling you annoying is just too much of a moron to see it.
I don’t have much energy for talking right now. Just had to respond because I’m beyond thrilled that you’re still breathing. Nice to hear from you
Haha, I felt like a major dick because I was glad to see this post since it meant that you were still breathing too.
And yeah, I disappeared for after my last attempt. I did die for a little bit, but I got better.
It’s a shame needy people never seem to find each other. There are people who like to be together a ton of time, and people who don’t, and it always seems like these unmatched people are the ones trying to make something work. 2 people who want to be there for each other would be great. 2 people who want to act distant and do their own thing most of the time would be great. Don’t know why it’s so hard to find each other in matching pairs.