Has anyone tried Seconal?

I’ve always suffered from different forms of anxiety and mental illness.. but manageable. It wasn’t until I had my son 7 months ago that I started to suffer to the degree of considering suicide.( mainly due to trauma) I feel like I nearly lost my mind and get experiences of detachment from reality (psychosis) and bad ocd/ptsd/anxiety to this day. Ive noticed slight improvements taking zyprexa but still have other symptoms as well as severe depression.

I literally feel like every second I am obsessed with how I feel and that I feel bad.Literally imagine it ALWAYS in the back of your mind.

I feel bad for considering suicide because now I have a son. My ex is out of the picture so I am my son’s only parent. My family helps me a lot and I do know that if I did commit suicide that my son would be raised by my brothers, parents, cousin and her husband. But its still sad because my son wouldnt have parents.

I feel bad but my torment is enormous. Sometimes I feel like if i only know that i have pills to commit suicide with ill feel better knowing that i have the back up always.

I researched seconal and I can likely get it but of course at a high cost. It’s $1058.00

From what i read you open the capsules 30 and put them in water. Has anyone survived seconal or have any experience with it?

** ive also thought to do the carbon monoxide method of leaving an old car on in a closed garage**