this is my first post, hello. hope you’re doing better.
i have been tested for a mental disorder, and, although the results of the test are still processing, my parents and the shrink think it’s likely I’ve got some sort of bipolar disorder. I do not like this. I would like to be normal again. Was I never normal? Maddening, because it wasn’t noticeable to anyone in middle school or elementary school. i suppose I wish it showed up earlier so i could’ve gotten help before it got this bad.
I loved middle school, I had so many friends. Everyone was nice to each other mostly because it was a small school and people got caught pretty quickly if they were doing something bad that hurt someone. I do not like my high school. One person (whom I did not know) has killed themselves this year and it was devastating to see the affects of his death on everyone. Everyone, teachers, strangers to the boy, friends was so hurt. I spent four hours that afternoon crying my eyes out. I didn’t even know him
which is why i’m so disappointed in myself for feeling this way. I was raised religious and I like my faith a lot but I just feel either down or angry all the time. I could believe these were normal teenage mood swings because my friends keep telling me so. “Oh yeah, I’ve felt that way too. It’ll get better.”
Well, I’m sorry you did, but I’m feeling that way now.
I can’t confide in my family. I love my parents a lot but they are easily frightened people. I have 7 siblings and they both work fulltime so I don’t want them to be more stressed than they already are.
My old friends keep saying they’ll see me but they blow me off for the same people in their new schools. When I see people of my own group hanging out these days online I’ll shut down. I know they must hate me for being so clingy but I have no one in my new school.
I don’t know why I can’t make friends. I was good at it in middle school
I’m asian so these boys at my school keep making racist comments but I don’t mind them. Maybe they’re going through something too. One of the main bully’s friends has informed me not to worry about the bully’s remarks, who has also been diagnosed with a disorder (the bully i mean), can’t remember what it is. I don’t think it’s an excuse but I wouldn’t let him hurt me.
I just feel either sad or angry, except when I listen to music. I recently saw my favorite music group live and it was one of the coolest experiences ever. but i woke up the next morning and felt so terrible because it was over. PCD is what it’s called I think
dont want to undermine people with true depression so i used the acronym
hope I haven’t offended anyone.
4 comments
From what I’ve read, there wasn’t really anything like “Bipolar Disorder” before they started treating depressed people with certain drugs that led them to rapidly cycle between mania and depression.
I know it sounds crazy, but I would be VERY sceptical here. It is your brain. You live with the consequences. I know I, and many people I know, have been lied to on a major scale by psychiatrists and drug companies.
It doesn’t seem abnormal to feel lonely somewhere you struggle to fit in and are racially abused. It doesn’t seem abnormal to find it hard to confide in those around you. To be sad and shocked that someone killed themselves.
My personal recommendation would be to stay away from psychiatric drugs (and indeed psychiatrists who want to give them to you) and find other ways of dealing with your struggles. Educate yourself on the subject. Find good people to confide in. Maybe get talk therapy. Sleep, exercise, etc.
Best of luck
i can’t agree or disagree with everything you’ve said but you sound pretty knowledgeable
can’t bring myself to research the disorder that is hurting my father and uncle, and that killed my grandfather at 60.
definitely talk therapy helps, but not with professionals. don’t like being analyzed.
i wouldn’t call it abuse but i don’t like it at all, and dread going to class because of it.
my old friends would listen to me whine about my first-world problems but they’re too busy trying new things that their parents don’t know about
i can’t laugh anymore and the few people that care about me outside of my family are too scared to ask what’s really happening to me i think
i try to sleep, but i think i’m addicted to the internet, haha
i’m afraid to go to the gym. can’t exercise with family because they tease me on how slow i am (my sister is very athletic although she’s younger, and much more accomplished than i). can’t say she’s a bully because I’m bitter to her too, haha. i don’t think she’d miss me
thank you
Well bipolar disorder is in the trend now so you have it or don’t you’ll be diagnosed without even trying. You sound normal to me and your reactions are of a frustated soul in a tiring world.
I’ve always been sceptical of psychiatrists and would be scared to try any psychiatric drugs.. Counselling/talk therapy is not necessarily a bad idea though… I’m thinking of trying that out myself.