Got into some trouble recently(minor) and volunatarily chose to do group therapy sessions. Sitting and talking and listening to everyone’s else’s story has made all the things that bother me surface. For starters, my mother is a druggie, my father has been in and out of my life, my brother is a schizophrenic, I have closed myself off to people including my two sisters because I preferred it that way. My wife is an angel and although I worked a mediocre job to get her through school and now the roles have reversed, I can’t help but feel worthless, I’m 25 and have nothing to show. I convinced my wife(girlfriend) at the time to move to NC so I could go to a mechanic school, we ran out of money because i developed an online gaming addiction since I had never had Xbox live growing up with crackheads as a child. I created all this debt that made our lives difficult and we now just paid off, I have gotten into trouble with pot even when my wife was telling me not to do it. I chose to run around with my friends and drink and be obnoxious when we moved back. The list goes on, i feel like a constant burden that is just weighing her down… And thinking about what is at the end of the tunnel when I die is not helping matters, I ask myself why do I bother if everything I do is going to be for nothing.(I currently do not believe in God)
I hold myself to extremely high standards and never achieve them… I am good at anything I do and sometimes very good but if I can’t be the best or come in first then I kind of give up…
I could type for hours my story but I think you guys get the point, I continue to contemplate deleting myself from the equation…
Forgot to mention I just told my wife I participated in sexual acts with a 40+ Man when I was in 4th or 5th grade and she did not take it well…
4 comments
What? You’re doing great! You racked up debt and paid it off. You overcame a lot of difficulties from your childhood; had the dedication and vision to put your wife through school. And got into trouble blowing off some steam.
You’ve got character. You’re not blame shifting, but accepting responsibility.
You are a lot further down the road to wellness and maturity than you realize.
I wish i’d have been half as together as you are at your age.
You f’ing rock, man! Why are you caving now?
Jeez, I agree with SQ. You’re doing a he’ll of a job. And you can NOT be held accountable for something you did in 4th or 5th grade. The 40-year-old, however, can rot in he’ll…IMHO.
*hell of a job…
Yes i think SQ is right. I see your pain. But please dont let your past decide your future. You might have done some things that you regret but atleast you have a sense to accept the things you did and cope up and still be able to manage n pay the debt. I get it that you had a very disturbing life as a child and i feel bad. You have done so much for yourself and your wife no matter at some point you got distacted, we all do. The important part is to accept and take responsibility and stand up and fight. I see you doing that. Just hold on and give life another chance.