I loath these months

So, who’s being MORE selfish? You, for wanting out, or your friends, anyone’s friends, for wanting us to stay, deny our pain so they won’t have to grieve your loss? So here’s what you do. Over a ten to fifteen year period, begin isolating yourself. One friend after another, one family member after another, just slowly begin to have less and less contact with them. Eventually, they’ll get it, and stop calling, coming around, they’ll figure it out and they’ll just stop. Then you can just sit, and wait. For whatever. For the day when your mind finally relents, and agrees that there is only one thing left that makes any sense. It’s lonely, and hopeless, but after a while, you don’t have the pesky interference of people bogging you down – the demons do a good enough job of that.

Keep fighting. The right to die and the will to die come at a tremendous price. This, “holiday season” – rest assured, all the happy people who say they love this time of year are just full of shit. Trained performers, playing the fools game of whatever you want to call this. Running around like chickens missing heads, scrambling to assemble all the elements of the perfect holidays that we are bombarded with in the media. Mindless actors, taking center stage in the annual performance of lunacy. Happiness can only be found if first large amounts of money are spent buying toys of all kinds for all the people in your life, and it must include gatherings of dysfunctional people all whom cannot wait for it to be over, so they can return home and just be normal again.

“God rest ye merry gentlemen, let nothing you dismay, remember christ our savior was born on christmas day, so run up bills on credit cards buying pointless things, scurry to and fro in a most senseless way, for the holidays are here again, to crush your tired soul. Let’s all play the game of happy-fake, and spend money we dont have, because more, oh so much more than love and peace and joy, is the need to seem that playing this idiots game is something we enjoy.”