Victim

My mother could’ve and probably should’ve done something sooner. I know for a fact that things would’ve been better had she just acted sooner. My father was abusive and manipulative yet it took her 13 years to realize this. Either that or fear got the better of her judgement. I don’t hate my mom, I just hate her inaction and how things took so long to change. My teenage years along with some of my childhood years are so empty thanks to all the BS between my parents. I sometimes think I should’ve called the cops myself. But i couldn’t even do that back then because i was too confused and afraid of what that would mean for my family.  I know playing the victim role is unhealthy but if anybody in the family is more qualified then its me and my brothers. Sometimes you don’t get to choose whether or not you’re a victim….you just are. It just depends on the situation. My mom wanted to pull the victim card in exchange for her children. I have no empathy for women and men with children who are in abusive relationships longer than forgivable. Their inability to end the relationship comes at a cost. Sometimes it not only costs them their own sanity but also their childrens. Me and my brothers are the result of this kind of inability.

This past of mine is my fuel. One day i will have kids too, but not blood related. I will adopt orphans some day and i will turn other people’s “accidents” into miracles. I wont let this past of mine simply be a tragedy.

Children of parents like my dad really don’t have a choice. Its not like you can pick your parents before you’re born. Heck not even the other millions of sperm cells had any other choice. But just because I’m a victim it don’t mean i can’t live on and have a brighter future. People like me don’t wanna play the victim the role but the reality is that no matter how hard we try….there is always a scar left imprinted on us. The best thing we can do is heal.