Hello Im back again !
So.. this is what I feel right now..
I want to be loved by my parents.. I want them to hear my stories.. chatting and laughing with me..
Im stuck here..
The doctor said that I suffered from depresssion and stress right now..
I thought that they will understand and love me after what they heard..
But its still the same..
What makes me sad is..
I try to live like what my parents want since a kid..
I will try to live up to their expectation..
I even stop pursuing my hobby as what my parents told me.. Actually its really hard for me to let this hobby go.. (my hobby kinda like entertainment world thingy)
So I let it go.. And try to pursue what my parents want
And here I am in this depression state..
I thought after everything I did to be like they want will get me something or at least love..
But no.. even now..
I dont want to brag.. but I was a smart kid before.. like top 5 in my class.. and I can feel they love so much more than my sister..
But now after in college.. Im nothing.. I dont like my subject and I need to finish my final project right now.. Its killing me and stressfull..
I always wish for them to support and love me..
But I never get that..
They love my sister more because she is more succesfull right now..
Not like me.. I lost my dream.. my hope.. my family..
What I want to say to all the people out there
“IF YOU HAVE YOUR OWN DREAM..
IF YOU LOVE YOUR DREAM..
AND YOU FEEL LIKE YOU CANT LIVE WITHOUT YOUR DREAM..
DONT !! NEVER !! NEVER ABANDON IT !!!
NEVER GIVE UP
NEVER LET IT GO
EVEN IF IT COST YOUR LIFE.. ”
Because.. you see.. even though Im alive.. I feel like Im dead.. locked.. and forced to walk this long corridor with torns in every step..
BETTER TO DIE