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Depression jokes?

by annon111

Just curious how other people feel about depression jokes. Personally, it’s the only way I’m alive lol. The day I can’t laugh at my own problems is the day I die. So yes or no to jokes?

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23 comments

eternaldarkness 5/8/2018 - 10:19 pm

Yes to morbid depression jokes lol
Tell us one (or two, or three)

EmptyPluto 5/8/2018 - 10:41 pm

You know what ‘depression’ spells if you re-arange the letters? ‘Denies pros’. Depression denies your life any pros.

imsosorry2468 5/9/2018 - 3:02 pm

Ha, this was a good one! I tend to prefer it when people make a pretty bleak topic more light hearted. I think we’ve all learnt to take everything people say with a pinch of salt anyway. I get more pissed of when people down play the seriousness of a mental illness as if they know better. Long story short, jokes: great. Judgment: not-so-great

a1957 5/8/2018 - 11:25 pm

Depression humor is some of the best!

eternaldarkness 5/9/2018 - 12:05 am

tell us some!

Morris 5/9/2018 - 6:42 pm

Q: How many existential nihilists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.

Hey! Ever notice how “therapist” is spelled exactly the same as “The Rapist? With the rapist you get a little more separation.

Haha.

Be sure to tip your server, I’ll be here all week.
*waves goodbye*.

a1957 5/9/2018 - 7:57 pm

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. The librarian said: “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”

Cause of Death: Suicide 5/9/2018 - 9:37 pm

You can joke all you want I do not think anyone will try to stop you. I’ll be sure to pipe up if I don’t find it humorous. Tell me a joke about depression or anything to do with someone with a terrible horrible uncurable disease.

Morris 5/9/2018 - 10:01 pm

What’s the surest way to die ?
Get born!
Ha
There is no way to escape life without getting dead.

You’re in no position to offer advice if you’re incapable of offering advice that doesn’t offer advice in the form of advising people how to avoid run on sentences that lack punctuation and go on and on forever and ever and create paragraphs that are so long readers cant even get a breath in while drowning through the wall of text.

Geez.

Way to kill readers.

Cause of Death: Reading shit on the internet.

a1957 5/9/2018 - 10:57 pm

Birth has lead to as many deaths as all other causes combined.

Cause of Death: Suicide 5/9/2018 - 11:32 pm

Wait… I’m sorry I have failed to edit my posts to the penultimate perfection! I am not here to offer advice, I don’t always try to offer advice. I am here to be suicidal!! I say what I feel to say. I say what I feel. It is a thing I do that keeps me in the heat of the moment. Are you trying to insult me, or is that one of your jokes? I get so confused with the likes of people such as yourself!

If you tell me where, whether it was a previous post of mine, a comment I have made recently on another’s post, or if it is my response on this post, I will be happy to take a step back and read what I have written from your point of view to depict whether I could have phrased, arranged, or altered the punctuation to have my responses flow to your ideal.

Go ahead and show me where I have done the English language a problem. Tell me the post name, the date, and I will go back and search. I would love to be corrected in order to come to some conclusion on how my thoughts, have appeared to you as hogwash through this web-based platform.

Otherwise, if you are speaking on posts of mine. I will write those in a very depressive state. I will feel the need to establish my problem and the feelings associated in every which way I can formulate. It goes on and on and on.

Cause of Death: Suicide 5/9/2018 - 9:46 pm

Hahaha I have a few jokes if you would like to hear them. I do not know if I have any about suicide or depression though. I will share because I like your joke about the lightbulb. Let’s face it, it doesn’t matter. Why do they need a lightbulb anyway?

Blindpeoplemeet.com
Slam on their keyboard with their head to communicate

Um….
I really am not funny
This is kind of depressive

Give me tacos or give me death
Classic art meme
“There are no tacos”
Turns head to side hand on cheek or whatever apathetically
…so b it

Mr and mrs steak had a baby
It grew up to be mistake

This one is like for when you feel you shouldn’t have been born

a1957 5/9/2018 - 11:03 pm

lol it grew up to be a mistake

Morris 5/9/2018 - 10:11 pm

You seem like a nice person, no offense meant.

Catch me in Happy Hour at the bar in hell, I’ll challenge you to game of pool.

a1957 5/9/2018 - 11:02 pm

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side…

annon111 5/9/2018 - 11:08 pm

I was mostly referring to situational things, like if someone says “be careful you might get hit by a car” while walking on the sidewalk like just walk closer to the street or like “hopefully I slip and fall”. I mean not as like structured as that but you get me. Some of these jokes are pretty funny tho lol wasn’t expecting this

a1957 5/9/2018 - 11:18 pm

I used to work at a place where they had like a 40 foot flag pole. This one guy would never help take that flag down UNLESS there was lightning in the area. We all laughed but we knew he was serious.

a1957 5/9/2018 - 11:13 pm

Here’s an old recycler:
Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressed, it doesn’t matter which number you press. No one will answer.
If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

Cause of Death: Suicide 5/9/2018 - 11:38 pm

So what if you are all of those things? Just at different moments depending on the position of the stars and planets at a certain time of day.

a1957 5/10/2018 - 6:59 pm

When you are choosing those buttons you just be in moment. Or press all that apply, that’s what I would do.

Gimmick 5/10/2018 - 12:05 am

I joke about starting a go-fund-me page for my funeral all the time.
I also joke about buying a one-way ticket to the Grand Canyon all the time.
My co-workers think I’m joking but what can you do lol.
Dark humor passes over them like an 103 year old man. Fast and painless without all the pity glances. They expect it by now so I deliver.

Cause of Death: Suicide 5/14/2018 - 10:18 pm

I was about ready to sell all of my 3 things and buy a one way ticket to the Japanese suicide forest….. still would if I had the money.

iamdarling 5/11/2018 - 5:44 pm

i like them.

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