Not Even the half of it

This is what dealing with my anxiety looked like all through high school. And being bullied didn’t help my situation at all , I use to hide in my closet for hours with my headphones blasting My favorite music on repeat until each attack went away. I would cry myself to sleep wondering why I am the way I am. I wanted to commit suicide plenty of times ,  by cutting my wrist and watching myself bleed out. Thinking no one will miss me so why not , one period of time that really stuck out was  My freshman year of high school where I attended Bryan station , which were many of my worst experiences of being bullied took place. Where the words “ bag of bones , twig , anorexic , Mel nourished , weird , ugly , etc….” were hitting me like bullets. I was teased everyday by the same group of people. I remember walking into dance class one day with blue sprayed hair , and one girl in particular that hated my entire existence. Stated  in front of the whole class “ You think your cute but your ugly , you look like a shaved blue bird “ most people looked at me and started to laugh all I could hear was “ hahaha , she is ugly , look at her blue bird eww “. I wanted to cry so bad , but I couldn’t give her the satisfaction of seeing me weak , So All I could do was turn to her and say “ Thank you so much ? “ , and walked away and sat down. The girl was mad that I didn’t give her the reaction she wanted ( was to either fight her or cry ). my best friend at the time was so mad at me that I didnt give the girl the reaction she wanted either. Which was to hit her back with harsh words as well. But I had no choice but to handle it without confrontation, plus I wasn’t a confrontational person. Moral of the story is don’t bully a person , that seams to be different or weird or that doesn’t fit in with your social standards. And on top of that you don’t know what they are going through mentally, Because one day you may wake up and learn that they have killed them self’s over a few choice words you may have said to them that day. And to all my survivor’s out there know that you are beautiful , and i see you . And not being Accepted by people’s social standards is completely okay. There are people like you fighting everyday for their life’s. And there are people that care about your life , and that don’t want to see you lying in a casket.