I wrote my suicide not last night because everything is fallen apart so here’s what I say
Dear Family, Friends, and my Boyfriend,
So sorry to do this but if your reading this by now I must be dead there’s so many reason why I’ve decided to end my life here they are
- Ever since I was born I was placed in so many fosters homes with so many schools and all the bullies I had dealt with
- Dad it was just the two of us before she came in the picture you let her control you and me and I hated it I learned to love her but she still thinks she can ruin my life and her kids
- All this bullshit you two put me through dad and HIS GIRLFRIEND never letting me go to friends house because of the kids always crying that I wasn’t home that’s not my responsibility its yours you had the kids not me so why put the pressure on me.
- when I found out you got her pregnant back in 2011 I knew life would change I was hoping for the better but it didn’t I became the mother of them you guys never took charge I was always feeding changing bathing everything a mother should do and I was only 10 only 10 I had my whole life ahead and all you could was nothing while I played mommy then you did it to me again 2014 I was almost 14 I believe here I was playing mommy to yet another child who wasn’t mine.
- My dear bother who wants nothing to do with me wont talk or nothing can’t tell me what I did wrong all I wanted was for my brother to see me graduate and he missed it on June 4th I was heart-broken.
- Feeling like a failure all the damn time like wtf is there an answer or no idk anymore so what ever.
- my mom who left me age nine I just hope the asshole doesn’t end up killing you like he killed me inside.
- babe I love you so much your my everything you did nothing so don’t think this is because of you it’s not if you read backwards it tells you who all did it and made my life hell.
- if I was still here today do you all think you’d changed the way you treated me I don’t know but it’s for the better that im dead now because I don’t have to feel this pain anymore
good-bye world
LOVE,
YOUR DAUGHTER, FRIEND, GIRLFRIEND
12 comments
I know that I don’t know you but reading this I just wanted to say that, wow you are a real strong, caring person. Even though so many things happened to your live you just made the best of the worst situation everytime and I have respect for you because of that.
thank you so much I try to be
Thats going to be quite the shock to your boyfriend, no? (Not trying to blame, just making a point)
You sound like a very brave and strong person.
I try
yeah I thought bout that alot
I’m so glad you’re ok. I stumbled upon this site and created a log in late last night and submitted a long ass post which didn’t go through. I’m going to try to remember what I wrote:
I think you’re in your late teens and your post brought me to tears. I went through a lot of shit when I was your age and even though I still have depression and anxiety from past trauma, hang in there because things do get better. At your age, my family sucked and I had few friends and definitely no boyfriend. You have a boyfriend who you love and who loves you! In a year or few years, you will be out of that house and you can create your own happiness. Your family can suck it! The best revenge is
to do well for yourself and say “see I made it despite the shit you put me through!” You have a beauty and strength that you don’t even realize you have but it’s there, I see it. You just have to hold on and if sometimes the best you can do is to just be able to get out of bed and appreciate that the sun came up, it’s all good because trust me…it’s not going to rain all the time.
Oh one more thing – feeling like a failure. Feelings are not facts. But I know when we are depressed, we think they are facts. You need to stop those automatic thoughts because they will destroy what bit of self esteem you have left. When any negative feelings pop into your head, you HAVE to challenge them. Like I said feelings are not facts so you have to challenge them w questions like:
1) what is the evidence to prove (examples: that I am a failure, that I am stupid, that I can’t do anything right etc)
when you come up with your “answers” then you have to come up other questions like
2) ok if I am ____(whatever negative thing you’re saying about yourself), then why was I able to do (examples of what you have done to PROVE you are not that negative thought)
NO ONE IS STUPID. NO ONE IS A FAILURE. NO ONE IS WORTHLESS. WE ARE GOOD PEOPLE WHO ARE DEALT SHIITY HANDS. YOU JUST HAVE TO HANG ON UNTIL YOU CAN GO AND CREATE THE LIFE YOU WERE BORN TO LIVE!
I care for you ??
Those were not supposed to be question marks but emojis lol
CoCoCrazyCatLady thank you so much we should chat im 18 years old as well
I’m actually 46, but I went through a lot of hell at your age which is why I can relate. That’s also why I put myself through college to become a psychology major, to better understand people and myself. That’s why you should never give up. I never thought I would live to be 30 bc life sucked so much I thought for sure I would have killed myself way before then. But I’m glad I lived through my attempts bc I was able to do so many amazing things and meet so many amazing people! Don’t get me wrong, I’m still on meds for depression and anxiety bc of the past trauma but I have had so many wonderful experiences that I would have lost out on otherwise. When we are depressed, it’s like being in this big deep empty hole that you don’t think you can ever climb out of. When you try, you only get so far before more shitty dirt falls on you. But that’s why you don’t ever give up and keep on climbing bc one day you do get out. I’m proof that it’s possible!
If you still want to chat, feel free to reach out at
CoCo524@yahoo.com
Don’t feel obligated to bc I know there are a lot of untrustworthy people online, pedos and catfishing weirdos etc. I hope you’re ok and at least feeling better than the day you posted your letter.