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It first stated at the beginning of summer break. My friend from New York told me that goodbye meant she was going to kill herself. She said goodbye to me. I always had the mindset that I was the weak link in every type of relationship I’ve ever been in,whether it’s an unauthorized soccer team or just  me meeting someone new. So when I was told that she was going to kill herself, I blamed myself for not being good enough, So I texted a friend, the kindest person from my class, she would always greet me, and would ask me stuff from time to time, even though I would put on an emotionless persona at school, everything about me is unnerving. She was the reason I have anything in my year book besides stuff I designed. But my logical sense always told me that when your the reason that someone did something, you did it yourself, so I said that I was the one who killed her. She called me, and I couldn’t speak because before then, I’d never cry for something sad in front of anyone because I don’t display my emotions like other people do, due to my high functioning Autism, and people get scared of me, so when the dam, broke, I cried for everything that happened and everything I did, all the sadness of dead family and pets, regret of scaring people, everything. all 10 years of school and the sadness that came with it. And as I said before, people get scared of me displaying my emotions, so when that dam broke, she called the police on me. They came to my house, and now I’m on their watch list forever. THEN CAME THE SECOND FUCK UP!!! I texted her for emotional support and her sister or mother, (The actual owners of the phone), said to me that I scared her and that I needed to talk to a psychologist, and told me that she was scared, I said to tell her that Im sorry, and to tell her thank you. The person called me a dumbass. and I reflected o it for several days, and now Here I am, writing this in a place for what I believe is the right place. And just in case you didn’t know why I said thank you to her, It was because I never saw myself as I did after I scared her. I saw myself as someone to avoid, and she helped me see that.

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Cause of Death: Suicide 8/3/2019 - 8:17 pm

I don’t have high functioning autism or any mental disorder, but I became mute for a few days recently after I experienced something rather f*cked up. I was in the movie theatres watching a movie and a very old grandmother reported me to the clergy and had the cops called on me because I was talking during the movie. She told the clergy that I had a gun on me and when the police got there I walked out of the movie theatre and they were all pointing machine guns at me. They proceeded to arrest me and after that I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to speak again, because they said they were so freaked out because I was talking. I was mute for around 4-5 days then I kind of, like I do, forget about it. I realize, it’s definitely their problem and not mine. Plus, they were sooooooo horrifyingly ugly so even more reason to know it wasn’t my fault and feel better.

Cause of Death: Suicide 8/3/2019 - 8:18 pm

I didn’t have a gun on me by the way… and why would I? They were full of sh*t…

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