Seeing them all waiving at me cheerfully as I stood there to receive my tax consultant license. I have passed the exam and gotten my license. They were all clapping and joyful. The only thoughts in my mind is that I have failed. I am a failure.
You should have told me from early on that I’m a have-not. Perhaps then I wouldn’t have lost so much. Perhaps then I wouldn’t have even tried so hard to get cum laude on my undergraduate degree, pass my certification exams, obtain my license. What is the point of all if in the end I am and will always be a failure. Why try so hard. Why bother. Why didn’t you tell me this from early on.
I’m sick of carrying this burden alone. My partner is a useless jerk who can’t do anything right, but has expectations higher than the clouds. My entire life revolves around him, he is my business partner. This business is in pieces now. After this lease is done (one year left to go) I am leaving him once and for all. Then I will renovate the house and go back to that hell, the place where I grew up, and then begin the vicious cycle again. Till I lose my sanity.
Every time I walk down the stairs all I think about is whether or not I should throw my body down? Just one slip of a footstep and letting go of the railing. What part of me will break first, my legs or my nose?