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i haven’t posted here in over a year

by jasal

so much has changed, yet so much has not changed. i thought i had made strides in life, setting goals and finally trying to move forward and embrace a future where i live, but i was wrong. i am still so weak and in so much pain, even with the professional help i’ve obtained. i still wish to die. i do not think i will ever be good enough to exist in this world. i certainly will never be able to stand on my own two feet. i am still a colossal disappointment to my loved ones. i am a burden and a waste of resources. i still cry and hurt myself in order to stop crying. i still wish i had never been born. how unfortunate that i exist. how unfortunate that i am still too afraid to finally kill myself.

i wonder if any older members are still here on this site. do you remember me? have you all moved on? have you all died? are you at peace? i do not think i will ever stop hurting.

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headupunderdarkcloud 1/18/2020 - 12:01 am

Welcome back! Haha. I too come and go. Post a little, leave for a year or so and return. People don’t seem to respond as much as from before, so don’t let that get ya down if happens. People still read. We’re all still trying to figure it out. Haha. And the way you feel, so many other people feel the same way, and it’s a problem in our heads, telling us these unfair things. It means something for you to speak out about it, and for others to not feel so alone.

Deadstar7 1/20/2020 - 1:58 am

I have been coming onto this site for so long. It’s hard to think of how much time has gone by and all the different things that have happened in our lives and some of us are still in the same states of mind. Still running here in hopes of finding something different this time around. Or maybe exactly the same things. Because it’s not as easy as people think it is to heal. We don’t have colds that go away in a few days or injuries that heal in time. We all already feel invisible and lost. Maybe that’s why we always come back. It’s easier to talk and feel a sense of value when we are all on the same ground here, Rock bottom. At least none of us are alone here.

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