It’s almost 4 am and I woke up twice from the darn fireworks outside, because there’s been a demonstration going on for a few days. This is such a bad idea, to post here, when I’m sleep deprived. But none of my friends are available to talk to, so you guys are all I got right now.
I’ve been having such a hard time, fighting off negativity. I feel like all my energy goes to telling my thoughts to shut the hell up, so in the end there’s nothing left for myself… I honestly don’t think that this is normal. Even when I try my best to blend out & blend in, it won’t let me.! I’m tired of being a pathetic human being, too caring for others, that they forget to care for me.
Oh – one friend just send me a voice message, no thanks… Do they really think I want to hear that at this time, at this moment.? I told them that and now they’ve vanished. Great. Maybe I’m strange, but I dislike voice messages.. Anyone else.? I’ve never send one in my life, I hate the way I sound and it honestly takes up more time for me, than type it out. It takes long, to form the words when I try to say something, writing is just the best and I’m glad I have this option.
I’ve got so much done lately and even just yesterday enjoyed playing the Sims again. I haven’t enjoyed anything really since March this year… And now at 4 am, I just don’t know, where I stand and where I’m supposed to go, after standing still on one spot for so long.
My best friend from America has been working a lot and couldn’t even write me at least one short sentence every now and then. I’ve been trying to be understanding, but they kept on promising me they try harder – over and over again. I’ve stopped sending them messages and as I suspected, there was no word for a while. And when they finally wrote me, I’ve been extremely distant to them. I was honestly disgusted at myself, for acting that way. And it’s more sad, to know, that there’s people that are actually that way on a daily basis.
I just didn’t want to wait anymore, because all I do all my fucking time is wait. I’ve slowly began to talk normally and the second I did, they forgot about me again… They’re being the idiot, yet I’m the one feeling stupid. And now they have vacation and I think, they can have that without me. I’m just so fucking tired… Thank you fireworks, that are supposed to bring joy, to making me overthink these things, when I should be sleeping.
I’ve always hated fireworks.
6 comments
I’ve never found fireworks interesting either. I have an anecdote about fireworks, but I don’t think anyone would care.
It’s not that I don’t find them interesting, it’s more the noise and danger, I hate both.. Hey, I care.! I’d love to hear it. 🙂
Okay so when I was a kid we were sitting there on one end of the lake and there was an explosion, but not a firework. The idiotic people I was there with thought it was. I felt the heat from the blast envelope me in such a way that my body knew directly from where the blast came, and I automatically turned around and looked in that direction, before the actual sound of the blast echoed. I felt it before I heard it, and the people I was there with were only about 5 or 6 feet away from me and they didn’t feel anything… Weird. I still wonder if anyone got hurt. Their dumb asses sure didn’t help.
The spider-senses are activated xDD What could that have been.? I hope no one got hurt too.
This isn’t really a relevant comment overall but I love the sims. Lol. Though my last character decided to electrocute himself and die while fixing a computer and was only one step away from his lifetime goal. Oof, lol.
xDD Yaay, a Sims-Maniac.! This.. hits too close to home. When your life sucks, and your Sim can’t even get a better life than you. Thanks videogames for the realistic view on life.