I don’t want to come off as sounding like a whiny ***** but I’m tired. I’m tired of being the only certainty in my children’s life. I don’t want to do it anymore. Everyone tells me that things get better but they never do. I’m trying my best but it never seems like its enough.
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The combination of being suicidal + responsible for your children (or any loved ones) is horrible. You’d think it gives us strength, but in my experience it just makes you feel more anxiety and more isolation because no one understands the burden and handicap you’re dealing with. For what it’s worth I understand it. I guess you could say it does get better as your children become more mature and eventually able to take care of themselves, but that could take years.
I saw one of your old posts said you were denied getting a service dog. Did you ever appeal that and get one? If not, there’s a quick & easy way around it. Go adopt a dog at any shelter and contact the Delta Society (I think they’re called) and they can provide you with training to get your dog certified. Usually free or heavily discounted. And the VA will reimburse you. When they initially deny giving you a service dog, it doesn’t mean you can’t have one, it just means they won’t give you one. So all you have to do is get your own and they’ll reimburse you for expenses. Its kind of backwards like paying for medicine before insurance/medicare reimburses you, but backwards is how things work usually.