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I said a lot, they said nothing

by Virus.Found

Fact: Nobody likes a downer.

There’s just so much I don’t share with people. I could do way worse, than budging every once in a while and sound like a total pessimist, especially badmouthing myself. And if I ever do, people probably think, I’m being dramatic. Well, if only you could look into my head, you’d know that it’s just an inch of what I’m feeling daily.

I can’t pull these ridiculous jokes anymore and act, like everything is alright. I just can’t. Do you ever send something depressing to your ‘friends’ and go to bed and think: Shit, I’ll probably regret this tomorrow. And then suddenly nobody has even said a word the next morning. That just happened to me right now. I don’t understand it…

Those are especially people, I’m always there for. Even in a group chat, I personally talk to an individual, if they seem like they are not okay. But will somebody do that with me.? No. Nobody cares when they should care. It was fucking important to me, to hear something positive from them. And just silence.

I just told my friend C. that I should just stop existing, because apparently that’s the only way, I’ll stop bothering everyone. I’m just a nuisance. I’m even finding myself annoying, as I’m writing this… I’m tired guys.

And when I just logged into here, the captcha told me, to select bridges. How ironic. Why not show me a roof or something, where I should jump off.?

3 comments
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3 comments

Abnormal.Thoughts 11/4/2020 - 8:30 am

I understand, I know what it’s like to send a message and regret it, or not get any support from those desperate regrettable messages, I find it’s better no to send them at all. I will note that the people I’ve met here are far better at being supportive than irl people.
The bridges captcha comment made me laugh though. Lol

Virus.Found 11/5/2020 - 3:34 pm

Yay, I’m not the only one with those kinds of regrets. I debate with myself a lot, if I should send these, sometimes I just lose.^^ It is very true.. Similar struggles connect people. The people I meet, are way too keen on life.
Haha, glad you like my dark humor.!

tired123 11/6/2020 - 2:27 am

I would love to say something profound here… But I can’t. Just know that I read this and have felt the same way. I dont bother saying anything anymore. They dont understand and it freaks them out.
The jokes are the easy way to hide for me. But at times you just cant. If you are battling your mind, and are fighting to grasp reasons to stay here on this earth the jokes just dont come.
You are not alone.

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