I don’t have much options left so I’m asking once again.
I come from a pro-choice community which totally respects my decision to commit suicide, and do not see an end to the tunnel either.
To sum it up : I have been mildly depressed all my life. I dropped out of high school some time ago and diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Depression. I’m a hikikomori. I am not able to function at all. And now I have horrible acne and suspected Retinitis Pigmentosa (a disease that makes you gradually go blind). I also experience gender dysphoria. And now, my radiator is leaking.
I never expected it to go this bad. I thought I would just say ‘I want to die’ all my life without actually doing it.
I have everything ready of course, for something I call ‘a choice’, but it’s truly the circumstances forcing me to end it.
Any help?
3 comments
Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Please do rethink your choice, life is not something we can give ourselves back once we throw it away.
I’m really sorry that you’re a hikkikomori. I have a video, perhaps it can help you, please do check it out: youtu.be/9QiE-M1LrZk
So, the thing is that the more we do dopamine-rewarding things, the less motivation we feel to do everything else. I have been there, when I was playing 1 game for 1 month almost non-stop, and everything felt so hard, and I felt so tired.
If that’s what you want to combat, I have some resources which really help me:
https://getcoldturkey.com/
And the “Olauncher” app from the google play store.
ColdTurkey is almost un-circumventable, which is why I love it. And the latter lets me see only the relevant apps in my phone.
Of course, it’d be prefearable that I don’t use Internet nor electronics, but Uni makes it necessary.
Please, do use these tools in order to gain a little distance from doing dopamine-heavy things, so that you can have a little more, clarity and focus in order to sort things out.
I once found all my future plans shattered, so I felt really disoriented and confused. I felt like a person drowning in the middle of the ocean. I felt a void inside because of the lack of meaning, the lack of purpose. Yet I knew that I have only 1 life, so I searched for meaning, for the answers to all my questions, and found them all. Now I feel in order, the void inside is no more, and I look onwards with hope.
Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Please do rethink your choice, life is not something we can give ourselves back once we throw it away.
I’m really sorry that you’re a hikkikomori. I have a video, perhaps it can help you, please do check it out: youtu.be/9QiE-M1LrZk
So, the thing is that the more we do dopamine-rewarding things, the less motivation we feel to do everything else. I have been there, when I was playing 1 game for 1 month almost non-stop, and everything felt so hard, and I felt so tired.
If that’s what you want to combat, I have some resources which really help me:
getcoldturkey. com
And the “Olauncher” app from the google play store.
ColdTurkey is almost un-circumventable, which is why I love it. And the latter lets me see only the relevant apps in my phone.
Of course, it’d be prefearable that I don’t use Internet nor electronics, but Uni makes it necessary.
Please, do use these tools in order to gain a little distance from doing dopamine-heavy things, so that you can have a little more, clarity and focus in order to sort things out.
I once found all my future plans shattered, so I felt really disoriented and confused. I felt like a person drowning in the middle of the ocean. I felt a void inside because of the lack of meaning, the lack of purpose. Yet I knew that I have only 1 life, so I searched for meaning, for the answers to all my questions, and found them all. Now I feel in order, the void inside is no more, and I look onwards with hope.
I have been depressed also most of my life and am also reclusive most of the time. Don’t let anyone label you for things most humans feel at times as being who you are. I have attempted to end my life more than once and when I was facing death I found that I didn’t really die so take that for what its worth. I still want to die but I now know whats its like to face death and its very scary. Try to find something you enjoy doing like listening to your favorite music and plan a small trip. I took a small trip recently and it really brought me out of my shell and I did feel better. You are too young to give up yet. Hang in there ok.