Blocking out of the blue is a fucking asshole move. Especially without warning and for no reason. EVEN MORE when I told you that blocking without warning really offends me and pisses me off.
Hi, I’m a random guy from France. As depressed as ever. I’m looking for someone who would like to talk mainly about death/suicide/basically emo stuff. I dont want someone who tries to cheer me up, I’ve had enough of th6is. I’d like to drown in sadness (emo +100). I know thats rather uncommon but I’ve had it seeking happiness. So I’m seeking sadness!
Ill be very kind. I just want some serious talk. I’m open minded if you have a twisted mind.
ig : t3r3z1pup1tr3
discord : t3r3z1pup1tr3#1639
I’m kinda obsessed by suicide now, I just think of it all the time. Anyway even though I really wish to kill myself, just the fact that I have a survival instinct makes me too damned scared to jump out the windows or go on the railway, even if I see the train coming and that the next one is in 2 hours. I wish this crappy country could legalize guns. I would get one and shoot myself instantly, I mean, its just a little move of your finger and then its done. It sounds waayyyyy less scary than seeing the train come and jump under. I had the courage (or cowardness I dont know) to try and jump undrr it when I saw it coming, and I missed it by a few seconds. F $ck!
Creating helps. I can only get some sort of good feeling when drawing. Today I felt really awful so I drew something strange.
Life is so sad.
I drink a ton ofcoffee in the morning and try to draw, but life is so dull there is nothing interesting to create! Anything I create is plain empty to me.
Told myself to be numb, but thats bs, my life is sad. It’s sad like a can rusting on the ground, its not like anything truly dramatic has happened to me (apart from dead mum at 10? Idc, I shouldnt consider that as a loss, considering how boriiiiing my family is). I wish I could be like you guys and have lost something instead of not having anything to lose in the first place! I dont have friends, someone I love, shit like that. Dulllll life. Stupid and sad. If only I were smart! But no my stupidity prevents me from thinking any further.
So why not kill myself? Well there’s indeed 0 reason to be alive, but I’m scared of cutting my wrist, or jumping under a train, and firearms arent legal in France. Survival instinct. But I truly wish to die.
I have wasted my childhood. Being a retard. Isolating myself from all social interactions. Wasted my time reading books with useless information (books for kids teaching some stuff about planets and stuff) and enjoyed loneliness. Came in middle school having absolutely no knowledge of social interactions and spent free time programming on 80’s microcomputers (really? I was born in 2003, why play with such old trash?). So when I finally tried to interact with people (around 14) it was a total disaster. I kinda got it now, how to not look like a creep, but I’m just not an interesting person to talk to. I like art now, but I’m not good and noone fucking cares about childish drawings these days! I’ve been told many times I might have asperger’s syndrome. I was struggling with anxiety which I got rid of, but still didn’t make life get any better. Maybe growing up with no mother has fucked me up in the head. I would be the one doing a school shooting if guns were legal here in France.
Why has my life come to this. Really. It is so fucking awful. Even as a child I wanted to kill myself and i remember my sister trying prevent me from jumping off a windows when I was around 10. I know there’s absolutely no point in living. I remember even in (what should be) my happiest/least sad moments I still couldn’t stop thinking that life is absolutely pointless, and that the happy moments are aswell, and that I would never get rid of depression and stupidity.
I am deeply stupid. My reasoning can’t go further than realising my own stupidity.
Depression isn’t leaving. It always gets back. I managed to get rid of anxiety, that doesn’t matter. The world is still a dull, empty dark grey place. I know I will die without having done anything for mankind and honestly, I don’t fucking care.
Stop thinking. Come, I’ll give you a hug and we’ll sit next to the railway watching the night sky together. You don’t need to think. Just relax and watch the train pass by.
Seriously guys… I see a lot of people here because of reasons like ‘I have lost my gf/bf.. bigg sad / Problem with self confidence, anxiety, or loss of a loved one’. I’ve dealt with these issues and it just seems like nothing to me.
I’m confident, never stressed, and lost a family member and am totally fine with it. I managed to get skills like fluent english, drawing and guitar, which might not seem great for you, but that’s not the point.
The point is, I’m still depressed and I still have no friends. What the fuck? I feel like I’m the only one in the fucking WORLD (which I’m probably not) who’s got this problem. How the fuck is it that I have absolutely no social anxiety, very talkative, “funny” (as I’ve been told many times but I don’t think I am), but yeah I still have absolutely no one. And even so, people say they like me when they don’t! And that is.. being a ‘spare’ friend or somethin…
I feel like I’m going to explode. I’m not considered as a human being by anyone. You know? I need love, friends and stuff aswell?
so yeah that’s it. I’m not trying to convince you that I’m awesome and stuff. I’m just confused, totally lost, and I need some insight.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
side note : I’ve been rough with people here, and for that I’m sorry. When I’m here it’s because I’m angry/sad, which is like, all the time
I know I’m rough, I know I’m not nice, I know I’m an asshole. Yes, I could be more respectful, nicer. I have the ability to. But I’m just so frustrated with life I’d say fuck you to everyone. That’s how I cope with depression, and I know being friendly w o n t help. I know your life sucks, well mine does to, and I can do absolutely nothing about it!
I want someone to love. So much. I’m young so I could find someone one day, maybe. Love would bring me true hapinness, not just the pleasure that goes with video games, coffee, youtube, whatever.
Anyway, thats it. People here complain of having had a good life before which then got ruined. Well know that I always had a horrible life. Since as far as I can remember.
Sometimes I draw imaginary people, and I literally fall in love with my drawings. I spend time looking at it. It drives me crazy, I need to love an actual person. Well I should try to know people, make friends, blah blah. Fuck that, I can’t. I aint got the ability to. I need someone to love.
Hey, I’ve been depressed since as far as I can remember, and I can’t make any friends. This is boooring! Some people hang out with me sometimes, but only to feel good about themselves, trying to socialize with a loner. That doesnt even make me feel bad “okay with not being okay” pretty hard to describe. So screw being polite or friendly, since I’m basically unlovable. Being agressive and hateful is easier; and way more fun. Does any of you experience this? Having a b s o l u t e l y n o o n e for you?
It’s not fair. Good people who live happily are the ones who die and miserable people which have had life shitting on them for years (just like me—) still suffer because of the fear of killing themselves. That’s not fair. I dont want to be alive and still I am. Those who die never want to.
We take things for granted; food, friends, family, electricity, internet, whatever.
I’m grateful to have the gift of sight and motion that allows me to do art.
I’m in the early years of my life, and if you are, realize that some people have lost what you take for granted. Just think about it.
Dont get me wrong, life still sucks, but it could be much worse. I lost much more things than most people already.
I’m feeling empty everyday and everytime. It’s my first day spending 3 months in australia, and I have absolutely no idea what I’ll do. Its sunday and I did nothing for the whole day. Im just throwing out whats on my mind without even thinking like a machine, its so weird. I tried drawing, got bored, youtube, got bored, reading, got bored, and so on. Tomorrow first day of school and stressed. I can do nothing at all.
A comedy mask. The most common way of hiding depression, wearing a mask making others believe we’re ok. I’m sick of it!
I’ve had depression since I’m 12, now I’m turning 16. Oh fuck how long does it last! I’m having so much trouble explaining the emotional pain I’m in it’s awful! Even with art its hard to express such a pain. Pff psychologists make money with people like me! And I can have all the hatred of the non-depressed people, they’re just as much of a monster as me. Anyway I lost hope long ago. Depression is just an endless cycle. Apparently there are ways to break that cycle but it’s just like propaganda. It’d be best if it were true but it isn’t! But you guys are in that cycle too right? It’s just so hard to understand you’re in it. But yeah, many years wasted being depressed. Why would such tings happen if God was a real thing? But after all, I’ve done wrong things… Punishement? Unlikely.
Bref jvous emmerde <3
Why do I need to fucking work so much and get nothing back? People around me do absolutely nothing and they are fucking congratulated for what they did. Why am I not? Simply because I FAIL! Doesn’t work lead to success? Every, EVERYTIME I work for something (exams and such) I fail. “Yes, you work a lot” people say. But I DONT FUCKING CARE! I want to have good grades in high school. I want to not fail. I tr y as much as I can but I fail. It’s annoying. Am I just dumb or something? I tried all the stupid advice evry fucking person gave to me “try harder, try a different method, blah blah..” No listen I can’t do anything I’m screwed I’m a BIG BIG BIG failure and I’ve had that feeling a thousand fucking times. I keep working FOR NOTHING or I kill myself? BETTER DIE SERIOUSLY. I just don’t want only failure!!!!!! Juste putain de réussir bordel de merde!!!!! Really I don’t know I’m confused will I ever succeed at anything in my fucking life and stop being a Great Big Failure!! If some people around there have success in anything, friends, grades, drivers licence WHATEVER! Just know how lucky you are. You could have been like me. I envy you so much its an obsession.
So what do you say?
I keep torturing myself or I give up and kill myself? I mean its a hard choice I know! I’m just so frustrated and completely lost……… and VERY angry.
It’s been on my mind for quite a while and now i’m getting trouble sleeping. Why does basically everyone lie? Why does everyone have to be so mean? Let me explain my point; the other day I was asking a girl I know why she found me so annoying and stuff, she said “I don’t, you have to understand that I really like you and I’m sorry if I did anything wrong!” Haha. In French it’s called “la mauvaise foi”. Why does she have to LIE? I don’t understand! Why does everyone has to fake the fact that they like me? I don’t deserve this! I studied people’s behavior to see how to make friends and interact with people. I don’t understand; I do everything right but they still fake the fact that they like me. Why do they? Simple: they want to have something from me, I know it or not, it depends, and for the girl I wrote about earlier, I didn’t realize it, until far too late (damn this sentence sounds great). It’s art. The art of being the greatest asshole in history; she had a sexual fantasy, and she asked me to do [s t u f f] with some guy I know. What the fuck! I mean don’t get me wrong, I have weird sexual fantasies too, but at least I don’t FUCKING MANIPULATE PEOPLE! Every fucking time. They are all there to get something from me. And when I’m not going fine? Noones there. When I go out of my house, I see them all laugh at me. Had lots of dreams recently. I saw people looking at me and laughing at me in my back… They all do that! It’s FUN how dumb I am! Whenever I want to talk about some problem of mine, or just answer “I’m not going well” they critisize me and don’t take me seriously. They want me to get the fuck out, I know! They find me so boring, but I have so much to tell! Nothing that interests them, though (video games coming out, some youtuber did that, this guy did that at that hour, this teachers annoying, etc. All of this is stuff that interests them, basically.) But yeah! I have to fit the society standards, of course! I ask them sometimes “Sorry, I’m not boring you?” They say that of course not. That’s LIES. All of the are liars and find me annoying! I know I am inferior; that my capacities are under average (learning and stuff), but hey, that doesn’t mean that I am an object who can’t think! And that is the stuff I do way better than THEM!
What an asshole, people on earth are suffering from famine, are not free, and here I am complaining about social stuff. I am aware of that and that makes me feel even more like shit.