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a walk and a breakdown

by system

i took another walk with my ex tonight.  i struggled to maintain a conversation because my mind was so empty.  we continued to walk for 30 minutes and when we returned to my house, i sat on the pavement and started crying.  i don’t know why i was crying.  i don’t know why i feel like this.  i feel numb to the point where i cry in pain when i am unable to understand the pain.  everything feels wrong.  for some reason i have a gut feeling that my ex is struggling or suffering and not telling me about it, but i think that i assume there’s something wrong outside of me because i can’t locate why i feel so incompetent and pathetic and weak.


why must i feel this way?

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