i often feel like it’s my fate to never be truly happy. as if i’m destined to suffer, that’s my purpose.
many try to make the point of “oh, the bad parts will be over soon”
and to that, I have to ask when? when will they be over? when will they cease to repeat themselves?
it’s a question left unanswered, because the answer is something they don’t want to admit.
The answer is “never”.
for me, at least. I find myself to constantly be a target for abuse, manipulation, pain, et fucking cetera. over and over and over, a never-ending cycle of torture and emotional turmoil.
i don’t have the energy to function right now. the assignments keep stacking. i haven’t showered since friday. my diet is devoid of any nutritional value. the only thing i can stomach is cereal, rice, fruit, and ice (I fucking eat ice for some reason). i feel exhausted, yet i don’t want to sleep. my blood sugar is really low and it’s causing me to have a headache. my head feels heavy on my shoulders. i just want to feel okay. i want to be normal, whatever that entails. i want my childhood that i didn’t get to have. i want to be able to remember things from those years that aren’t just memories of abuse.