I’ve always struggled with insomnia? But lately it has evolved. I am not sure when it became my primary coping mechanism but it is like an anchor now. It stops me from being pulled down river but if a big wave comes I almost drown. The longer I’m awake the slower life goes. I feel like everything moves so quickly and I can’t keep up. Like I’m picking between two types of drowning.
So I choose to steal quiet moments in exchange of my sanity. The less I sleep the longer my days. The less I sleep the longer I can avoid dealing with the next day. I know it isn’t healthy but I just need something that feels familiar. I feel so helpless.