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My insomnia has become a crutch

by GrimBrim

I’ve always struggled with insomnia? But lately it has evolved. I am not sure when it became my primary coping mechanism but it is like an anchor now. It stops me from being pulled down river but if a big wave comes I almost drown. The longer I’m awake the slower life goes. I feel like everything moves so quickly and I can’t keep up. Like I’m picking between two types of drowning.

So I choose to steal quiet moments in exchange of my sanity. The less I sleep the longer my days. The less I sleep the longer I can avoid dealing with the next day. I know it isn’t healthy but I just need something that feels familiar. I feel so helpless.

9 comments
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9 comments

Yoges 3/18/2021 - 1:01 pm

I’m unable to wrap my head around how sleeping less can help you avoid the reality of life. Maybe it’s because I don’t understand insomnia in the first place?

I’d do nothing but sleep if I could have it my way. This is how I wish to spend my final days, giving up food, then water, sleep blurring out the bad experiences and the sad memories into the unfeeling realm of death, subtly, like a dream leading on to another. All I’ll need to fortify against are the inevitable pangs of hunger but that’ll pass anyhow.

Sleep is life’s saving grace I think and a daily rehearsal of death. I truly hope you find a way out of your insomnia.

GrimBrim 3/18/2021 - 1:17 pm

Thanks. I wish I could sleep and just let the time pass. But it just makes everything feel so fast. But when you put it that way it sounds way more peaceful than what I’m putting myself through.

Robert77 3/18/2021 - 2:37 pm

Im also an insomniac and I love sleep more than just about anything. Sometimes Im glad just to sleep thru a day Id rather not be in. I have been taking sleep meds and have somewhat regular hours again but Im out of work and it makes my day so long so I try to get a nap in most days. I need to go back to work I think.

Once 3/18/2021 - 6:01 pm

I’m also dealing with insomnia and it is maddening. To go through an entire day and look forward to a night of rest that doesn’t come, forcing me to now find ways to remain occupied AND fight off the anxiety and anger of not being able to sleep – yeah. Just shoot me.

Idfk anymore, I'm just here I guess 3/18/2021 - 7:46 pm

Ah, yes. Just call us the insomniac gang. 🙂 I’m kept up by the psychotic nightmares.

GrimBrim 3/19/2021 - 1:41 am

Yes! I have horrible nightmares that will wake me each night to the point where I’m so scared to fall asleep now. I have to process all the intense emotions before I can even think about trying again and sometimes it’s just not worth it. So I just stay up even though I know that it’s making my days harder.

Soda 3/19/2021 - 5:18 am

“The less I sleep the longer I can avoid dealing with the next day.”

No offense but that’s an illusion since time always moves at the same rate and the problems will always be waiting for you until they’re resolved. Sleep is as essential to the body as food and water.

REM sleep helps remove the toxins in your brain. I’ve lead a crazy life too, I’ve been working on getting myself well established so that’s caused my sleep to suffer.

But those times I’ve gotten a good night’s sleep I felt amazing the next day, both physically and mentally. Not only am I more relaxed, my head’s clearer, my memory is better and it also rejuvenates my body-I don’t feel any weird aches and pains.

You can’t beat biology, you have to work in harmony with it. Give your body what it needs like sleep and you’ll be better able to manage the other issues in your life.

I get nightmares very rarely, usually it happens if I eat late at night so I’ve tried to limit myself to a small snack if I’m hungry, before I go to bed and that seems to work.

Stress can also trigger nightmares since your brain is reflecting the experiences you have during the times you’re away. So it’s a matter of dealing with the problems in your life and then your sleep will improve. Of course it’s easier said than done.

There were times I suffered from anxiety and depression and only got by on a few hours sleep at night. But that’s because I had been going through a crisis at the time. Once I realized that I wasn’t going to solve my issues in a day then I was able to get more sleep and that allowed me to cope better with my problems.

When the crisis was over then I went back to my normal sleep cycle. Having gone through some crazy times in my life I realized that sleep is really important and to try to get as much as I could, and it makes it easier to deal with other life issues.

Presently my vice is that I sleep way too late. However I work in the evenings so I manage to get about 6-8 hrs sleep so I’m usually ‘ok’ but I really should be sleeping a lot sooner as I’m trying to change careers and become self-employed. So we all have our struggles.

Empty Shell 3/19/2021 - 1:23 pm

Oviously it’s an illusion. I think that’s the OP’s point. You can’t (ir)rationalize a coping mechanism with physics. We all know time moves at the same rate but we can alter our perception through drugs (downers/uppers) , sleep or insomnia.

I find this post fascinating because I understand the feeling of wanting to stop the clock. Once the next day hits, a new round of responsibilities comes with it. Interest rates accrue, late fees tack on another day, deadlines get nearer, and we get older, weaker, uglier. And of course there’s that horrible feeling of seeing another sunrise reminding you that another pointless day has ended and a new one has begun.

Soda 3/23/2021 - 4:22 am

If it was ‘obvious’ that time was an illusion to the OP, then why did he say the less he sleeps the longer he can avoid dealing with the next day?

He was affirming that his insomnia helps him delay (longer) dealing with his problems by staying awake.

You’re also incorrect in stating that the OP was making my point. Because if he recognized as I do that time is the same for everyone then he wouldn’t state that he could delay dealing with the next day.

There’s really nothing new or interesting about ‘wanting to stop the clock.’ Everyone has thought of that at least once in their lives.

Obviously that’s just wishful thinking, and meaningless in reality. What matters is how we choose to manage our time. And I believe I provided some pretty helpful advice in that department, given that I’ve had a similar experience.

Too bad you just decided to focus on just one fairly minor point I made rather than consider the whole post I left which had much more to offer.

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