Home Coping Skills I just don’t know what to do anymore.
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I just don’t know what to do anymore.

by Itsgonnabeokay

I hate even talking about it because I am scared I will convince others to feel the same as me. My thinking is wrong I guess so don’t follow me. I am 27 now I’ll be 28 soon. I grew up being hopeful so hopeful and happy like I had the world I could go anywhere I had the feeling like things will go up and I still have things to do.

I was listening to music from 2011 not even sad music and I just started sobbing. I remembered how happy I was I really think I was so happy then. But each year after that I just kept feeling less and less happy but I was still hopeful and knew it would get better. It has not it just gets worse and I am so tired I am just so TIRED. To my soul. I don’t even see the point in getting happier anyway anymore.

When my friends talk to me about their problems I don’t even feel like trying to convincing them its going to be okay and that they need to keep trying because I don’t believe it at all. I do anyway because I don’t want them to feel like me.

People constantly say that you need to love yourself first before others can love you. I hate it I hate that saying so much. I have always loved myself I love myself. I have a deep love for myself but people do not show me love. They have never showed me love. I think about how good I treat people and how I don’t deserve bad treatment at all but people still treat me in selfish ways. They care for me in lazy ways. I look around and they do not treat others in the same ways they treat me. They get angry when they make me sad or hurt. It’s not just my family its my friends my coworkers just everyone eventually treats me bad. People around me are mean spirited and don’t want the best for others and joke about them behind their backs.

People are not like me I feel like an alien. I feel like I was on the wrong planet. I feel like people can tell I am from the wrong planet.

I am just so tired and I don’t want to do it anymore. Its not fair. People say keep trying. But how long and how hard do I have to try.

I wont hurt myself because I have pets to take care of because if I die nobody will care for them like I do.

I even dream about myself dying and people coming up to my grave telling me that I’m lazy.

I cant ever rest nobody will let me I have nobody that feels like home to me I have nobody that feels like warmth.

I am so warm to people I am so kind to people I am so good to people I think about people I am considerate to people. I don’t do these things for anything in return. But I just don’t understand why people are just not to me.

Everyone just watches me and waits for my next mistake.

I grew up to have no skills my parents never supported any extra things I wanted to do they would get bored of taking me to extra classes so I would just not go.

My whole family got bored of children once it was my turn. I am the youngest they already went through it a couple of times no reason for them to go through it all again.

I just wish someone would allow me to rest. I need to rest.

My hair has been falling out it has recetnly been growing back but its all grey.

I know this is all over the place but I am just so tired. I need peace but I will never find it.


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Once 5/9/2021 - 8:53 pm

Your post is very touching. As you can see, the default setting for our species is selfishness, acquisition, and intolerance. Watch primates in their natural environment, and you will see humans. You and those like you who practice kindness and respect are the exception, not the rule. “They” say kindness is weakness. It certainly also is not the rule, it is the exception. Given the opportunity, I suppose by eliminating civility and consequence, we humans would gleefully and efficiently kill ourselves into extinction. Your self love is good. Your kindness is rare. You can be proud of the kindness you show towards others, because its something we all feel we deserve, but don’t always know how to give.

DeepSpace 5/10/2021 - 12:33 am

It’s incredible how much of this I can relate to. People are so predictable in their behaviors and they seem very cold. Trying to be genuine and warm feels like asking for trouble. This post helped me a lot. I hope things change for you.. It’s not right that you have to feel so isolated.

alwaysagatha 5/10/2021 - 11:27 am

Kindness is so rarely reciprocated. Small, reasonable requests like, “Hey, treat me with the same respect and kindness I treat you” are ignored. The people closest to us sometimes do not have the skill to give or give in the ways we need. May things get better for you.

Robert77 5/10/2021 - 3:26 pm

This feel a lot like I wrote it tbh. I don’t feel like I was made to live in this world. People are so mean and destructive and all I ever showed was kindness to people. Why can’t I ever get it in return? Today I really just want to figure out how to leave this shitty world behind in all its filth and mean shitty people.

niki 5/11/2021 - 7:18 am

I can relate too

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