MY MIND IS THE WORST!
I wish I could stop overthinking everything. I hate that I always make a mountain out of a molehill (sometimes even an anthill). It’s summer vacation but I’m still full of worries and I can’t tell whether or not they’re valid because I’m just too detatched from reality at this point.
Why am I so goddamn insecure? Why does my mind feel the need to compare me to others and make me feel infinitely inferior to them? Is it really accurate to think that I’m incredibly stupid, repulsively ugly, and undesirable in every way to be around? My insecurities are so awful that I can’t even read through Beyond Good and Evil by Nietzsche (which I was very excited to read) because I’m convinced that I’m too stupid to understand him and because once I reach a difficult point in the book I just quit.
How hard is it for my mind to quit it with all of the awful flashbacks? Why can’t I put my past behind me? Why am I still beating myself up over that period of time 3 years ago when I kept fucking up and going way out of my way to say horribly mean things when I didn’t even intend to be mean in the first place (am I autistic)? Why am I letting other people’s bullshit and insults get to me?
Why does my mind torment me like this? I just want to be normal and happy…